What is heartbreak? Can it be described? Or is it just simply something you feel, without being able to put it in words? To me, heartbreak is one of the most emotionally, mentally, and physically draining pains I have ever felt in my life. Heartbreak can be anything: the loss of a loved one, ending a friendship, or being broken up with.
I cannot think of the term heartbreak without feeling a flood of thoughts and feelings. I was 21 when I first experienced my heart being broken. I was in love with him, but he was not in love with me. We were together for 2 years and not once did he tell me he loved me. Now, how stupid can you be to stay with someone for 2 years, who never once told you they loved you? Maybe I was in denial. Maybe I thought he did, but was too afraid to tell me. But, the truth was, he never did.
I thought I was going to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. He was the love of my life and he ripped my heart out of my chest. He stepped on it, dragged it through the dirt, and kicked it over and over again. The physical pain of losing him was enough to make me throw up. I could not stop crying, which led to hyperventilating. The knot in my stomach felt like my insides were being turned upside down. I didn’t have an appetite and all I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn’t stop checking my phone every 2 minutes. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram were stalked as often as possible. I looked at old pictures, forcing myself to cry. I re-read old texts, wishing I could talk to him. I hung on to hope that he would come back to me, that we could work things out. But they never did.
It’s been a year-and-a-half since we broke up. There are days I still think of him. There are certain triggers that remind me of him. On rough days I wish that I could talk to him. But after everything, I am grateful for having my heart broken. I learned valuable lessons. I learned how to love myself. I learned how to make myself happy and that you should never put your happiness in someone else’s hands. I learned what I will and will not tolerate in a relationship. I learned to appreciate my family and friends. I learned how to be kinder. But most importantly, I learned how to let go and move on.
Everyone should experience heartbreak. It turns you into a different person, a kinder person. You’ll lose a part of yourself that you will never get back. You’ll have a crack in your heart that will never mend, but you will grow stronger than before. Heartbreak was the best thing to happen to me. It changed my life and it changed me. For that, I am grateful. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without being broken.