Insecurities, heartbreaks, disappointments, uncertainties, all of these things are familiar to you. Even if you grew up in a family that has been very caring and probably well-off, you know how these things would feel.
You know why?
Because you’re broken.
See, being whole isn’t exactly a good thing. It doesn’t give you a unique shape. Imagine this: A perfect globe without a chip in it wouldn’t make it any more unique than another perfect globe. You wouldn’t know the difference. And you know what else is shocking about this? A lot of people are striving for it. They want to be whole. They want to have perfect lives with a perfect family, unlimited resources, and the most loyal friends one could have. I don’t get it. That is just so shallow.
Why won’t you embrace the brokenness in you?
Now, imagine several broken globes lined up with their different flaws, you’d recognize one from the other. The flaws that they have make them unique. This life is harsh, it’s unfair, it’s confusing, and all of these other negative adjectives you could think about. But one thing is for sure: it’s also beautiful and unique. Everything that we’ve been through makes us who we are. I bet that you’ve already heard that line from several movies but I KID YOU NOT, it’s true.
Every heartbreak leaves a dent in our lives even if we refuse to see it. We know it’s there but we don’t want to acknowledge its presence. You pretend you’re okay but deep inside everything’s falling apart. You’re actually very good at keeping a “genuine” smile in the midst of the pain that’s surrounding your heart. You feel your heart break behind everything you do for other people.
You have different reasons for doing it but one common denominator that we all have is that we refuse to bring out fact that we are NOT OKAY.
You always force yourself into that default “I’m okay” expression so that you could fool yourself or others around you that you’re alright wherein you’re really not. Your heart is overflowing with the tears you weren’t able to cry and you’re just keeping it there inside of you.
I know this. I get this. I’ve been here before and probably somewhere down the road I’m going to be in the exact same situation again. But you know what? Here’s something that you would rarely hear from people around you and it’s actually from a Jessie J song: “It’s okay not to be okay.”
Sometimes, being strong isn’t the answer.
Yes, we’re all shattered. We’re all not okay. There are times that you find yourself asking God to take away the pain but sometimes He doesn’t really work that way. You’re now in a corner not knowing what to do and you’ve exhausted all your options. You were able to be a good child, an awesome sibling, a probably a comforting friend. But have you been good to yourself? Did you actually give yourself enough time to see WHY you’re falling apart instead of giving all your time serving others? Did you even pray to God asking WHY you have that pain instead of praying and asking Him to take it away? In order to deal with something, we first have to know what we’re dealing with, right? I’m not saying that you should be selfish. But you have to give time for yourself. Assess and embrace the pain. Know where it’s all coming from because that’s the only way you can deal with it. No, you shouldn’t be perfect. None of us will ever be. God made us this way and wants us to learn from our circumstances in order to be the people He’s called us to be. God made us broken so that we can be whole.
I don’t know what you’re going through and I have no idea what your problems are. I know you have tears that you can’t cry but I don’t know the reasons why. I know that your heart is breaking but I don’t know when or why it even starting aching. I know you’ve been praying but I don’t know what you’ve been saying. I know you’re broken and that there are words left unspoken. But one thing’s for sure: admit that you’re hurting and you’ll find The One whom you’ve been searching.
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”