A giant, noisy, brightly-lit, gaudy carousel, whirling ever faster. People in the darkness beyond, watching and wondering.
Others at the edge, trying to climb aboard. Some who are clinging on precariously, trying not to fall off.
Those who are riding the horses and grinning giddily.
A few who sit in the still centre, sipping champagne.
The observer then looks at the controller’s booth and sees that it is—empty! This is the modern world.
– Anonymous (A friend wrote this)
You are the classic example of an Alpha female, often driven by insecurity and ruling by fear. Since young, you have focused on your achievements, in pursuit of perfection, that sense of satisfaction and achievement. All that gives you the adrenaline high, similar to that which you get after a good run or consuming chocolates. People around you often see you as aloof, unemotional, and unsympathetic. You have grown accustomed to such views. You know you are not aloof – you just find it hard to express your empathy towards others.
You are always planning ahead. In college, you take up additional coursework and attempt to finish your degree in record time, while taking on internships to get you ahead during the summer holidays, while others party on. Unfortunately, such adrenaline highs never last long enough for you to be satisfied with what you have. So you are constantly on the move, constantly chasing after the next achievement, and the next big thing that gives you even more satisfaction. But you never seem satisfied. At work, you find yourself always looking out for the next job; a better title, more money, a bigger challenge. You believe your current job should always take you onto the next job. Otherwise, you wouldn’t bother.
With men, you never ask for their help. You are not one of those girls who needs help moving from place to place or with grocery/shopping bags. As painful and tiring as it may be, your pride and ego as an alpha female disallow you from asking for any help. You’d rather complete everything on your own. For that and many other things, men find you overly stubborn.
At the movies, you constantly tell yourself that these teary movies are fiction and shedding tears would be silly.
After a few years at work, you find yourself having to deal with the increasing dissatisfaction of how things are, and with your own incompetency. You quit your job, convinced that you need further education. You take on another degree—be it the Masters, the MBA or the PhD. You have a need to constantly improve yourself, and to be the best at what you do. Your pursuit of perfection and excellence drives you insane at times. Getting into a prestigious postgraduate degree gives you the instant high, but that adrenaline yet again sinks soon after.
Sometimes, you find yourself wishing that you are in the darkness beyond, watching and wondering about the rest who try to hang onto the path that twirls and swirls one around. Sometimes, you catch yourself wondering if it is better to be a cookie cutter girl rather than an alpha female, and to be satisfied with settling down, accepting help from guys, being loved by someone and getting married. Then, there are other times, you wonder if you would ever get to the still centre, sipping champagne, and be totally satisfied and pacified by life the way it is.