Independent women are always getting a bad rap and I don’t mean the over-priced one on your lunch break. Somehow women always manage to get a negative backlash when paired to an empowering adjective like independent. Destiny’s Child said it best, “ladies it ain’t easy being independent,” but there sure are a lot of self- satisfying perks to providing for yourself.
The problem isn’t with independent women, it’s with society’s pre-existing outlooks about who women should be and act. Independent women will always break the restraints of gender roles.
Well, let’s debunk a few of those myths about being an independent woman shall we?
1. They Are Intolerably Self-Centered
The word self-centered is too often mixed up with being comfortably selfish. Independent women, yes, think about themselves but that’s because they have so much ambition invested in themselves. Before anyone else can believe in you, you have to believe in yourself. Also, you need to value yourself as a person before you can fully commit to giving yourself to someone else.
Independent women know who they are, because they’ve catered to themselves first, therefore they know what they should be receiving from someone else. It’s interesting that when women cater to themselves it is seen as selfish and when they ask to be catered to by someone else they’re gold diggers.
2. Their Standards Are High
Independent women know better than to seek something that is not real like– perfection. There’s no need for unrealistic expectations. Do they want someone who has some drive or at least a dream? Of course. Now if you have a woman who is doing nothing to advance herself but has enough time to tell you that you aren’t doing anything significant then that’s a bad situation.
Independent women, when matched with the right person, should inspire not demean. Their drive shouldn’t intimidate you, it should make you want to work on yourself as well. She isn’t perfect, she’s just driven.
Independent women have standards, like most men do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The difference between having standards and just being plain stuck-up is that you actually HAVE the characteristics that you want in someone else. Independent women are looking for an ally, not someone to live off of them or vice versa.
3. They Don’t Do Relationships
It is not relationships that independent women avoid, it’s dead end flings. Independent women know that time really is a virtue and as moments unfold, you can remember them but you can’t get them back. After a certain point, flings aren’t attractive and of course you want to invest your time into something that could potentially be long term. Independent women are looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, not just a quick ride to the next stop. Independent doesn’t mean you want to drive solo forever but that you aren’t going to settle for just anyone riding shot-gun.
4. They Want to Be “The Man” In The Relationship
There are a million things wrong with this but we’ll start with double standards. Independent women don’t want to be a man in anything. It is society’s pairing of man and independent that put independent women at a disadvantage and seen in a false light. Are there some things that men should still do? Of course like open doors and pull out chairs but there’s nothing wrong with a woman picking up the check or driving herself if she wants to. And if you’re comfortable enough with yourself it shouldn’t make you feel insecure. Being a man doesn’t mean being controlling and that’s something independent women definitely won’t tolerate.
5. They’re Conceited
Conceited is such a misinterpreted word, it’s unfair. Conceited means that you think you are better than everyone else. You find that other people are just shade keeping you from shining. Independent women know their worth which isn’t a bad thing. They know what they can bring to the table therefor they are saving that extra seat for someone who also knows that too. There’s nothing worse than a woman who needs to feed off of other people’s approval of her. Independent women approve of themselves and do not let other people’s view of them alter their own view. Loving yourself genuinely is the key to allowing other people to love you as well.
6. They’re Controlling
Geeze, all of these “C” words for the women is a little overwhelming. Having a plan or goals for you and your partner doesn’t make you controlling. Besides, don’t men control things all of the time? Control is only seen as a bad thing when it’s placed in women’s hands it seems. The world wasn’t outlined for women to succeed thus matters have to be taken in our owns hands. This does require a certain amount of control. Controlling our fate so that it is not manipulated by others. Now, if you find a woman that is not only micromanaging her life but yours as well, that is a bad dose of control.
7. They Don’t Need To Be Courted
Somehow being independent relinquishes your right to be a lady and thus people assume you don’t need the dating essentials. Just because a woman can provide for herself doesn’t mean you can’t get her little things like cards, flowers or candy. She’s independent, yes, but still a woman and deserves to be courted and treated like a lady. If anything, the fact that she’s independent should drive you to WANT to get her small things. It says, “I know you can get this yourself but it has an emotional (blank), coming from me.” Come on now make it like the movies.
8. They Only Care About Their Careers
Just because being successful is a focus in an independent woman’s life, doesn’t mean it is the only focus. Women were gifted with many things and one of them is multi-tasking. A woman could easily be career-driven but still happily balance other assets of her life. It’s amazing the things that multi-tasking can let you accomplish. Career-driven women don’t ask for their lives to get complicated. In order to be a considerable person at the top of your career you most often have to be a man.
Women are constantly trying to climb career ladders only to reach a glass ceiling but that doesn’t mean they don’t have time for other parts of life. If it were easy for women to balance a career and life do you think we would have the issue of double-standards? They not only have to try and find success in their careers but they also have to try not to be stripped of their femininity. Now if that is not the fullest plate of multi-tasking, not sure what is.
9. They’re Mean
And we are back to elementary insults. Girls are mean and bossy if they are doing the exact same thing as men. And these things could be simply request as someone’s boss or superior. Women can be serious without being mean. They don’t have to be giddy to be considered nice. Also, women are seen as mean if they don’t jump to every advance someone makes towards her, even the bad ones. You’ll know when a woman is genuinely being mean to you because you’ll want to crawl into a hole and sulk.
10. They’re Emasculating
Because independent is so closely associated with being a man, independent women are seen as purposely emasculating men. Independent women do not seek to spite men by their independency. If anything they do not want to be compared to men at all for being independent. The only men who feel they are being emasculated by an independent woman are not comfortable with themselves as a man. Now there are women who deliberately emasculate men but that’s not always independent women. That could be just about any type of woman who has extra time to be intensely critical of someone else.
11. They Over-Think Everything
Analyzing a situation isn’t against the law just like acting rationally. Why is a woman with a plan just a threatening idea? Just because a woman has steps outlined to acquire a certain goal does not make her an “over-thinker”. This shadows back to the pre-existing assumptions about women should think. If women think outside of those outdated, illustrated outlines then they are over-thinkers. Women should not be designated to a certain thought capacity just because they are women. Thoughts are free and we all know how women stereotypically like a good sale.
12. They Have An Attitude
The only attitude independent women have is a “can do” and “will do” attitude. A woman with drive is intimidating and it makes people pair her with ill-fitting qualities. An independent woman won’t take any crap from someone trying to burden her life. She defends herself because she deems herself as someone worth defending and fighting for. If that is seen as an attitude, then so be it. Independent women cannot be categorized in the damsel of distress category because they get things done. They are strong and can really solve most problems by themselves but that doesn’t mean they can’t ask for help.
13. They Can’t Ask For Help
Everyone is capable of asking for help, even independent women. They won’t ask for help though unless they really need it. And this help could apply to any part of life: emotional, physical, mental etc. An independent woman’s scarce need for help can be intimidating but you should feel sort of special if she does confide in you for help. Independent have pride and it is probably not easy for them to ask for help so if they ask you it means they confide in you and trust that you will provide genuine support with what they need help with.
14. They Don’t Have Many Friends
It’s not that independent women couldn’t have many friends but she chooses to have a solid group. Also, she doesn’t need a group of women to give her validation to who she is. A handful of friends that share the same qualities is a good thing to have. Independent women often stray away from the stereotypically, catty friendships. She doesn’t need people who are going to talk behind her back or be jealous of one another.
The smaller the group the better it is to sustain a drama free friend zone. Independent women can still be social without expecting every acquaintance to become a lifelong friend. This is, again, a reflection of not having unrealistic expectations. Independent women know that not everyone’s supposed to genuinely be your friend. She knows her circle and hardly needs to go outside of that.
15. They Hardly Have Intimacy
The topic of independent women is the perfect opportunity for people to sculpt this cold, ice queen. The want for intimacy doesn’t disappear just because you can manage to survive on your own financially and emotionally. Humans, the thing that we all are, of course want a close interaction, a special bond BUT shouldn’t be self-reliant on it. Independent women will be as caring, loving and intimate as she wants in a relationship but her life wouldn’t end if it ended.