That gnawing feeling in your stomach.
You know that feeling all too well. And as usual, you try to ignore it. You push it to the side even if it does feel right because it can’t possibly BE right. You’ll feel it again when you reap the consequences of that decision, when you close your eyes and whisper,
“I should’ve listened to my gut.”
Life may not have come with an instruction manual, but before you were sent you down here, you were implanted with instinct, or that “gut feeling”. It pulls at you and literally tells you where to go. Most of the time, when you listen to it, it turns out to be exactly right. Yes you should go for that job. No, you don’t want stay here any longer. Yes, you know he’s with somebody else.
We are taught to not trust ourselves. We are chastised for our bad decisions, told we can never do anything right, told to stick to the script, which makes us attempt to fit in when we were born to stand out. We know that there is something bigger for us but we talk ourselves out of that greatness. We try to convince us that we can’t possibly have the audacity to be more than who we are, and without defining that clearly we give up on ourselves before we’ve even begun to start.
We have to get out of our heads, and get into our guts.
There’s a vulnerability in surrender, even to ourselves, that scares us away from doing that. The shame of one bad decision can cause a stigma that lasts always and that ripple effect can lead to so many other consequences down the road, that we carry around like tattoos on our shoulders and never let it go for just as long.
You are not every bad decision you’ve ever made, just as you are not every good one. The truth ultimately is that you came into this world as a unique individual, alone and naked. You’ll be lucky to leave this world in a suit. In the meantime, what matters is what you do in the time you have between the cradle and the grave. You’ll lose so much in that growing process – your softness, your innocence. Don’t give yourself away the process. Trust yourself. Trust whatever God you serve or don’t serve. Know that the still, quiet voice inside of you has been ordained from day one to give you the guidance you need to make it in this world of free will. You will not be perfect. You were not made or meant to be. You will make mistakes – some beautiful, some messy, some complete, some in pieces – but ultimately your life is what you make it. And in order to make it, you have to be willing to let go and trust in the process which was designed way before any of us came to be in this world.
When you have come down to your final days, you’ve made a life that you’re okay with leaving behind. Trust your gut when it tells you that something is right, or wrong. Listen closely. Get still…and wait for that gnawing feeling. Let it answer your questions, ease your concerns and mind, and design the battle plan you’ll need to fight to see another day. No matter what mistakes you have made, let that be behind you.
At the end of the day, trusting yourself is a radical act and one of those most liberating experiences you could ever have. Why not try it?