Do not fall in love with me, I am warning you now. Do not fall in love with me.
I am as much of a mess as a five-year old’s drawing. I like picking fights for the sake of it and would argue with you over such petty things. I cannot grasp the idea of give-and-take, because truth be told, I only ever take and take and take.
I am unpredictable. I could miss you for twenty-four agonizing hours and still not talk to you. So please do not play with me. I can bear not talking to you for a day, a week, a month or however long it takes to make you realize that I am never one to chase a boy around.
Please know that I am indecisive and impulsive. I could like you so much today, to the point of getting you to think about forever, and then the next day, I’m out. I flit from one commitment to another. I am never truly yours, even after I tell you so.
I lie a lot. I lie as easy as counting one, two, three. I could look you in the eyes and lie to your face. I could tell you breathtaking stories, make you think they were meant only for your ears. But do not be deceived — those stories have been told a thousand times before, to different pairs of ears, and have poisoned different kinds of hearts.
I will never tell you how I feel, because I always want you to think. I do not want you to feel secure, because where’s the fun in that? I need you to realize that being with me does not come without pain and frustration. I could be the best thing to happen in your life — or the worst.
And that’s why I am sorry.
I am human too. I can feel. I can die. I can be hurt and scared and broken. I am incapable of fully committing myself to anything, because I will be vulnerable that way. I am terrified of the pain you might inflict, so please bear with me. I am terrified, so I will break you before you can break me.
I am wise enough to save myself from falling, but I am foolish enough to avoid taking risks. Forgive me for being selfish. But only when I break you can I actually save you. From myself. My love is violent and tiresome and toxic and this is the only way I know.
And you don’t deserve any of this. You don’t deserve to be a lesson I will soon forget. Forgive me. Blame my biology — this is how I’m made up. I’m made up to be a sucker for beautiful human beings and the magical moments they make. And that’s why you scare the hell out of me. So before you can even spell the word heartbreak, I am going to break you.
Forgive me — it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I do.