This Is How You Date A Girl Who Still Lives At Home

 

It can be disconcerting to move back in with your parents as an adult, let alone date while there. But according to NY Magazine, almost a third of millennials have moved back home at one point or another and they’re not deadbeats. “They’re working or in school, actively trying to carve out a better, more independent life for themselves,” but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some very awkward dating moments in store. Here’s what you need to know if you fall for a girl who’s still living at home.

Here’s what you need to know if you fall for a girl who’s still living at home.

1. She has a dream and she’s working towards her goals (almost) every day.

Sometimes, she gets discouraged because the distance between today and tomorrow feels so great. On those days, she could use a reminder to see the bigger picture. Love her for who she is now and not for who she’ll become; For example, never tell her you’re in love with her potential and not her.

2. Don’t expect to be invited over until the relationship is solid.

Going back to her place means meeting the parents (unless, of course, she sneaks you through the fire escape or the parents are away on vacay.)  If you do make it over, keep your pants close by- as her parents could walk in at any moment.  They forget shit all the time. And no you’re not 16, but it certainly feels like it.

3. You may find a mixture of past and present in your gal’s bedroom.

She probably hasn’t updated it to full on “adult” yet, since she’s planning on moving out. Her clothes are super chic and she may have the newest Lelo vibrator, but don’t be surprised if you find a doll house, a box of Barbies or Samantha Parkington from American Girls (once Pleasant Company) on her top shelf.  If you’re lucky, she’ll let you play with Ken.

4. Don’t judge her for her living situation.  And if you tease her, be playful.

She sees how ridiculous her pink walls are and certainly has a sense of humor about it, but inviting you into her childhood bedroom is vulnerable for her. You’re getting a direct look into her past, so be kind.

5. If you’re kinky, why not channel the perversity of it all, and use it as fuel for a romp?

Is she your bad little girl who needs a good spanking?  Does your side-eye view of her doll house turn you on as she takes it from behind? And do you get titillated from public sex? Perfect! Is that the sound of her parents walking in the front door? Quick, zip up your fly! Or if you’re into sweet, vanilla sex that’s cool too, because she’s got a Casper mattress waiting just for you.

6. If you live with your parents a well that’s unfortunate, but love is love!

You can make anything work, and all the better motivation to move out.   As Tony Robbins says, “Obstacles are merely a call to strengthen your resolve to achieve your worthwhile goals.”  So take that risk at work and soon you’ll have a room of your own, all the better to have uninterrupted, anxiety-free sex in.

7. Spend the night at a hotel or jet out of town for neutral ground.

There’s nothing like freshly pressed hotel sheets, soft pillows and some bubbly. Take a break from your dirty underwear and cum-stained t-shirts piled high on your bedroom ottoman. Take a break from her creepy childhood bedroom—if you ever make it in. Order room service and don’t forget to take home your mini Morton Brown shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body lotion, and bars of soap.  She’ll associate you with that sweet smell and a romantic get away.

8. She may be moody, but no, she’s not about to get her period.

She lives with her parents! Place yourself in her shoes. How long would you last?  Can you even make it through a Thanksgiving dinner without rolling your eyes? Exactly. But luckily, it’s nothing a good Old Fashioned or a Manhattan can’t fix.

9. There may be moments she regresses back to her childhood.

Family fights may choke her up, but she’s healing old wounds. It’s almost like she’s in her very own therapy boot camp.  How many adults have the opportunity to observe old family dynamics so readily? She gets to confront her biggest fears of dependency and failure on the daily. Cognitive exposure therapy on fleek! Remind her of this great gift.

10. But after all the craziness of dating a girl who lives with her parents as an adult, over time you’ll get to know them, and they’re actually really cool.

You’ll get a glimpse of who your girlfriend may become and you’ll like what you see. Her parents will open their home and their hearts to you, and they cook great meals. They see the way you look at her and it makes them happy. And then one day she will move out. And then one day the two of you may get married and have a kid. And if rents are still exorbitantly high, then one day your now adult kid may very well live with you too!