I’ve always considered myself a very independent person. Sometimes, I actually consider myself so independent to the point where it’s almost “selfish”, in a sense. I’ve always said that I find absolutely nothing wrong with making yourself, your first priority; how else are you supposed to become the best version of yourself when you’re too focused on another individual or worse blending yourself into another individual.
And this is why I’ve always despised the term, “my other half.” Coming from the friend who is typically the “Maury” or problem solver of my friend group, I’ve heard more than my fair share of relationship problems and more often than not they stem from the same root issue. Dependence.
The issue with being someone’s “other half” or needing someone to be your other half, is that one or both of the duo becomes overly reliant on the other. Needing another half is essentially one way of saying that you are only half a person, that you are not whole. I believe it was Abraham Lincoln who once said “A house divided amongst itself cannot stand.” Granted, it was a completely different context but I believe it greatly applies here.
Many women seem to have this fantasy of having a man come sweep her off her feet to save her (or saving him) from all of her problems. He provides a wonderful escape from any issues she may have to deal with and they ride off into the sunset; that is until inevitably their insecurities eat at them, they have a huge argument and one of them ends the relationship. And what are you left with? Two halves. Two half houses that can no longer stand, as they have no foundation to keep them from collapsing.
You shouldn’t need a significant other. That’s not saying that you shouldn’t allow yourself to fall head over heels in love with someone because hey, we only live once and if you think you found the one, by all means give it your all. But before you do that, you should make sure you’re whole. When a relationship ends, it’s natural to mourn, breakdown, cry and feel disappointed but it shouldn’t be the end of the world, only the end of that chapter. A relationship shouldn’t be your make-and-break or your saving grace.
Be selfish. Travel, take steps towards your dream job, take that cooking class, heck, move to Bora Bora and open an ice cream shop; it doesn’t matter! Just do you. Figure out who you are, what you want and what makes you happy. And then find someone else who knows themselves better than anyone; find someone whole.
Because nothing good comes from two people whose existence each relies on the other person being there.
But when two “whole” people come together, that’s amazing.
Find someone you want but don’t need. Find someone who knows himself or herself inside and out, but is still willing to learn whom you are inside and out and grow with you not into you.