We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of my failed romances, almost relationships, and fallen suitors.
By all accounts, I can admit that I am a culpable party in this awkward mess—after all, it takes two to tango (or ghost, in this matter).
But I’m not here today to slander the name of my ghostly lovers or even pine over a second chance—believe me, I know it’s over.
I stand here today to pay my respects and close the book on a chapter that had no real ending. And as we all lay our ghosts to rest, then we can hopefully create our own closure in the process.
I can imagine, many of our own ghost stories start off in much the same way: a serendipitous encounter that quickly blossomed into a series of moonlit trysts, and abruptly ended—if not fizzled out—in deafening silence.
In the words of The Killers, “It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?”
Indeed, how did it end up like this?
Born out of our modern dating culture, my once promising romantic prospects came to a sudden halt and decided for a clean break.
This wouldn’t be the last I heard of them because in their truest ghost form, they prefer to float in and out of my life like the poltergeists they are.
I still find myself at the center of their ghostly antics, haunted by their omnipresence on my social media, where they make their presence known through liking and following me. Ah yes, the Ghosts of Tinder’s Past.
The ghosts who still steadily tune into my shenanigans via my social media stories. I’m sure you all have some haunting your Insta Stories, too. You know the kind.
I’d like to believe there’s a lesson and a reason for your sudden demise. And while it may be easier to shift the blame on myself, I know there are other factors at play—(im)maturity, lack of communication, or even fear. I’m done creating excuses in my head, and I’m finally creating my own ending to this chapter.
As we bid farewell to our ghostly departed, let us take this moment to pray that they make a safe and steady transition into their final resting place (wherever that may be). So long as it’s away from my social media and the inside of my head, it’s chill with me.