No one likes dating. It’s pretty much universally agreed that it’s the worst. But when you mix anxiety and depression into the mix…well, that’s just the most awkward and depressing party you have ever been to. So here are some reasons why this happy combo is the worst thing on the planet.
1. You feel you need to fix yourself before you can let anyone in.
You tear yourself down. You do that constantly. For some reason you think there’s no possible way you could be part of someone’s life if yours is such a mess. It wouldn’t be fair to you and certainly not them…right?
2. Small talk is forced upon you.
It took the strength of seven armies just to go on this date. You already figured out a bunch of things to say and the all of a sudden you have run out of all of the things. It gets quiet…so obviously they throw a “You don’t really talk a lot” at you. Like that’s somehow supposed to get you to talk more when you were perfectly content with the quiet because let’s face it…it doesn’t bother you. But you’ve been called out and you don’t want them to have a bad experience with you, so you hurry and try to throw together some words into some type of sentence that comes out a total mess and completely out of nowhere like, “Oh wow guess what last week I ate some food and it was pretty nice.” And…you will never hear from them again. Better luck next time, friend. Lolz.
3. You purposely try to plan dates when you know there is no chance they will be available.
Oh it’s a Friday night at 9:00 PM and you are a parent to a small child and I already knew you have them this weekend? No worries, I am going to see if you want to come watch The Office and make cookies. Oh you can’t? Ah I had no idea that’s such a bummer, maybe next time?
Making plans is terrifying to you. Being rejected is terrifying to you. It’s just easier to make plans when you know they will say no. This gives you the satisfaction that you were brave
enough to make the effort… But with the peace of mind that they won’t say no cuz you are one weird son of a gun. They said no because they really couldn’t.
4. Being yourself is impossible.
You have some pretty deep secrets. You have had a crazy life that brought you down to your knees and the simplest tasks like making plans or talking to someone in real life are excruciatingly painful. In the real world you can’t preface a date with “Hey I am often called ‘most awkward person anyone has met’ and I have had some crazy things happen to me that cause me to retreat and I am super depressed and I am not really worth your time but please don’t leave me because I need you to be okay with that.” You tell them about your hobbies….You tell them about your favorite color and how you love Chipotle. Aaaaaaand no connection was made that day.
5. You’re drowning, but at least it’s safe there.
Imagine yourself seven feet under water. There’s a light above you. You know you are the only person who can get to the surface, but you don’t know what’s really up there. You don’t know if it likes you. Sure, you may be alone under there…it may be dark…you may be sad…but at least you won’t need to experience the potential sadness of whatever might happen up there.
The world may be in shades of grey right now, but constantly trying to make little victories will be everything. Make a commitment to make real plans! Don’t run from possible opportunities just because you think you’re too broken. No one has it all together. We are all just trying to figure it out the best we can. Someone out there wants to come from the surface to swim down to you seven feet underneath the water until you are ready to come back up. I haven’t found that yet, but it’s out there. It has to be. You have to BELIEVE that it is. Because…what would be the point?
You’re broken. Ya. You are. And that’s okay. It really is! But just like the sun rises every morning… Someone is going to come warm your soul like nothing you have ever experienced. Just like the sun warms the earth on a beautiful morning after a dark night.
There will be hard times, but there is someone out there for you that will be OK with that. You deserve happiness. You will never be too broken that you don’t deserve love. You deserve that light.
Share with someone who needs to remember they deserve love. Remind them that morning will come.