The sun painted the sky with gold. I found myself alone again; inhaling the sea air and listening to the sounds of the waves crashing upon the shore. As I gazed into the vastness of the waters, I remembered how they used to tell me “There are a lot of fish in the sea.” Yes, there are. And I know, deep within, that I am one of them.
I had a heart which was lured into fool’s paradise a couple of times. My misadventures in love used baits that made me cling to people for reasons I thought I’ve known deeply only to find out that I never really needed a bait. I have heard everyone who left me say “I don’t love you anymore,” “I’m sorry we can’t be together,” “I’m sorry but we have to end this.” They were like whispers that shattered some parts of me.
I still remember the feeling on those days when they released me back into the sea. I thought I would drown but my experiences taught me how to swim again; I swam better each time. From that point, I knew that I will be in much beautiful destinations. I have learned to accept the truth that people come and go and only places stay. So I chose to be somewhere. I chose to be in a place where I could grow even on my own.
All those painful yesterdays, the ex-lovers who made me taste varieties of their loves — they were all northern stars that pointed me to the place where I should have been all along. They guided me to the world of greater heights; the hurt they gave awoke me from senseless worries of infidelities and personal insufficiencies. Their abandonment was my freedom.
I have learned to embrace the great transition: from “is” to “was”, from “back then” to “now”. It takes a little courage to let go of things and people that let go of you. It is always good to be brave for yourself.
Fate has its own way of making me understand that we should fill ourselves first before we can pour our life and love upon others. We have our personal worlds to build or rebuild, dreams to compose and recompose, goals to meet or reencounter and our own hearts to mend before we sing our songs with the one we choose to love. I have learned not to rush what is dangerous. The heart is a sensitive thing and emotions are powerful. Relationships are commitments and people have feelings. Hence, it is always best to be ready when it is time to let the right ones in.
Singlehood is not precisely a curse or a benediction. It is what you make of it. It is a wide field where we can grow on our own; it is a world of actualization and reconstruction. I always believe that somewhere, like me, like you, the other half of our soul is breathing, striving to be the best until we unite. It is only fair that we all use this phase of our lives as our shot towards being the best versions of ourselves before we move on to another.
Treading our paths alone is a challenge. For like a diamond in the rough, we are being polished to show the beautiful facets of our persona. In time, we might look like we are ordinary diamonds on our own. But all of a sudden, someone will find us, shine on us the right kind of light and think that we are the rarest diamond of all.
The world is filled with endings but also of new beginnings and second chances. For now, the greatest fear is not living alone but hearing empty “I love you’s” and holding cold hands. Yes, it is nice to share our blankets with someone but as we wait to love again, we tuck our own selves in bed looking forward for another milestone in independence. It is time to enjoy friendships with others and with our selves. It is time to love ourselves so much that we become the dream that others have always dreamed about.
One day, we will wake up making breakfast for someone who will wrap their arms around our waist as we make them pancakes. We will find ourselves on dates we never knew about; in moments where we sing songs to the one we love during long drives; we will find ourselves gazing at stars next to him or her; we will feel lips pressed against ours with a string of Goodnights knowing that we will wake up with an endless series of Good Mornings. Finally, we will hear the words “I Love You” and feel it in the most meaningful kinds and ways. We will be finding forgiveness in every shortcoming and an unwavering love at its forefront and end, all because we strived to love ourselves first.
All because we are ready.