It’s wonderful if you can get something good out of a bad situation. If you can see the silver lining to the pain you went through in the past or learn an important life lesson that will help you in the future.
However, it’s okay if your bad experiences are simply… bad.
You don’t have to justify the horrible things that have happened to you. You don’t have to be thankful that you were treated terribly by someone so you can appreciate it more when you get treated right in the future.
You didn’t have to learn important lessons the hard way. You didn’t have to experience pain in order to discover what you truly deserved. Don’t feel like you have to say thank you to the people who have torn you down. Your experiences might have made you stronger — but you would still be strong without them.
You don’t have to come up with reasons why it’s actually a good thing you were treated horribly in the past. You’re allowed to say, “Someone hurt me and it wasn’t fair. I didn’t deserve to go through that kind of pain. It never should have happened.”
When you’re at your lowest, it’s okay if you can’t see the bright side of a situation. No one should pressure you to think positively and be thankful for what you learned from one of the worst moments of your life. Positivity can be toxic, too. Sometimes, negativity is a perfectly valid response.
Sure, it’s wonderful if you can use your past experiences to make better decisions in the future, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to find a silver lining in order to feel better about the hell you endured. You shouldn’t feel like you’re broken or ungrateful or whiny because you’re only able to focus on the negative.
When bad things happen to you, you’re allowed to be upset. Maybe you’ll be able to look back on your experience one day in the future and appreciate what you learned from the moment — but maybe not.
It’s okay if your only emotion over what happened to you is anger. You’re allowed to be angry. You should be angry. You should never settle for such horrible treatment again in the future. You should know that you deserve to be treated with respect.
Even if you learn a wonderful lesson from someone toxic, it doesn’t mean what they did to you was okay. It doesn’t mean all should be forgiven.
Sometimes, shitty things happen for no good reason. Sometimes, the world is completely unfair. You didn’t deserve the random, bad things that happened to you. You didn’t cause them. You didn’t do anything wrong.
You don’t have to thank the toxic partners and bullies from your past for turning you into who you are today. You don’t have to feel like they’re the reason you turned out so well-rounded and independent. You are the reason why you’re so strong. You are the reason why you’ve made it this far. You should thank yourself, not them.