1. You avoid having sex with them. You make excuses to skip sex whenever possible. You lie about having a stomachache, a headache, a backache, a fever. You tell them you’re too tired because you didn’t get enough sleep or too exhausted from work. You will say anything to get out of sleeping with them because you are never in the mood.
2. You feel like there are better ways to spend your time. During sex, you aren’t actually living in the moment and enjoying yourself. You’re counting down the minutes until it’s over. You’re thinking of all the other things you need to do once you climb out from underneath the covers. You’re hoping the act gets finished as soon as possible so you can move on with the rest of your day.
3. You rarely finish. Your person shouldn’t be the only one who orgasms. You should be getting just as much pleasure out of sex as they are getting. You should be in the same boat. If they’re the only one benefiting from sleeping with you, then you either need to have a serious conversation with them about your expectations — or you need to start sleeping with someone else.
4. You fake orgasms. You shouldn’t have to lie about your orgasms. The right person will learn how to make you finish. And they’ll also understand if you’re not in the mood to keep going. You shouldn’t have to lie to them about it. You shouldn’t feel pressured to play pretend in order to get sex over with already.
5. You would rather touch yourself than be touched by them. If you overwhelmingly prefer your alone time to your time with your partner, then something is wrong. Something is missing. You shouldn’t be more excited about the chance to touch yourself than be touched by them.
6. You don’t have any passion whatsoever. You don’t moan. You don’t move. You don’t really want to be there, so your heart isn’t in what you’re doing. There’s absolutely zero passion.
7. You’re thinking about someone else during the act. You’re not concentrating on the person in front of you. You’re not enjoying the feeling of their body pressed against yours. Your mind is focused on an ex or a celebrity or an old flame. Or maybe you’re not thinking about another person at all, but your mind is still far, far away.
8. You’re only having sex in order to make your partner happy. You’re not actually interested in having sex with them. The only reason you’re getting naked is because it’s what your partner wants from you. You want to make them happy. You want to make them moan. But if it were up to you, then sex wouldn’t be on the table.
9. You’re not having a great time. There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with your partner. They don’t have to have any glaring red flags. If you don’t want to sleep with them, then don’t sleep with them. It’s your body and you’re in charge.