16 Reminders For Anyone Who Is Nervous About Having Sex 

16 Reminders For Anyone Who Is Nervous About Having Sex 

If you’re nervous about sex, here are some tips from Ask Reddit.

1. Using toys with a partner doesn’t mean the sex is bad. Toys are fun and can be used with anyone, regardless of sexual needs. It doesn’t mean they can’t finish without it or can’t get off to you.

2.Bodies are weird. Some days you will cum even if your partner has no idea what they’re doing, because it’s biological. Some days no matter how hard you try you won’t cum.

Just because you don’t cum when you’re having good sex doesn’t mean it’s automatically bad. Sometimes you’re just not gonna hit that peak, though you may feel plenty of pleasure and satisfaction.

Sex is so much more than just cumming.

3. It’s not gonna look like it does in porn. It’s gonna be awkward but only if you make it awkward. You’ll have to learn to laugh things off such as queefs, slips, head smacks, and weird noises. Or just ignore them all together. They’ll happen almost every single time so don’t let them ruin the experience.

4. So many people believe everything will change if I could just have sex. No, nothing’ll change, you’ll feel pretty cool for a couple days but that’s it.

5. Men specifically seem to have no idea what actually feels good for a woman. Penetration alone does almost nothing for most women, despite what they show you in porn. I’d say for first time guys, incognito mode and a google search on what actually feels good for a woman will be your best friend.

6. It doesn’t always hurt a woman the first time. And, there isn’t always bleeding the first time, either. The hymen isn’t some magical barrier that you have to bust through.

7. Foreplay is absolutely necessary. Sometimes you’ll get excited and want to skip straight to it, but a lack of lubrication can cause a lot of pain and discomfort.

8. I always thought sex was supposed be super serious and sultry, but the best sex I’ve ever had was playful. We made jokes and laughed and giggled and just played for hours and obviously had a really great time. It doesn’t need to be perfect or serious to be enjoyable.

9. It makes you closer with your partner. Things you thought you knew about yourself during masturbation can go out the window (length of time it takes to have an orgasm, things you think you’ll like and things you’ll think you hate).

10. You’re not being filmed (unless that’s what y’all are in to), you’re not ranked, you’re gonna make noises, movements, and smells that are NOT photogenic. Have fun with it. It’s not as high pressure as you think!

11. Not everyone is turned on by the same things. Everyone is put together a little differently and has a unique physiology, nerve endings, etc. So one person might really love their XYZ played with, while another person couldn’t care less. One person might love having a LOT of pressure on a particular part, another might be super sensitive and can’t handle any pressure on that part.

So don’t go into sex thinking that you’ll be able to build up a library of special moves that will make any partner swing from the chandelier in ecstasy. That’s not a thing. One person’s hot button will be another person’s boner-killer. Instead, communicate with EACH person to find out what THEY like. And do not ever say anything like “Well, my last partner liked it, so what’s wrong with you?” unless you want to be literally kicked out of bed. People don’t come off an assembly line. There isn’t a troubleshooting guide. If you do a thing that doesn’t turn your partner on, it’s not on them to figure out how to be turned on by it. It’s on both of you to figure out what to try differently that WILL turn them on.

12. The secret to better sex is communication, not being able to last for 30 minutes.

13. People don’t care what your body looks like. Most of us have been horny virgins and are still horny adults, my point is people should not be insecure about their body.

14. Bodies make noises. Also sometimes people fart and it completely natural. You just gotta laugh it off and keep going

15. Just because your partner has experience doesn’t mean they know what they’re doing.

16. Sex is good but sometimes just cuddling while watching a serial killer documentary is the best thing in the world.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.

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