1. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You shouldn’t feel pressured to move fast. You shouldn’t feel obligated to give someone access to your body. You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t ready to do because the right person isn’t going to rush you. They would rather have you feel comfortable than push you into a situation where you are unsure about yourself. Remember, if you feel like you need to have sex with someone or you’re going to lose them, then you’re with the wrong person.
2. Your body is beautiful. If someone is excited to have sex with you, then there’s no reason to feel insecure about your body. They aren’t going to judge you, and judging yourself is only going to make you have a miserable time. So go easy on yourself. Stop dwelling on all of your flaws and start focusing on your strengths. You’re sexy and it’s about time you accept that as the truth.
3. Everyone moves at a different pace. You might feel insecure about the small amount of experience that you have — but you shouldn’t feel like you’re falling behind your friends. You shouldn’t feel like there’s something wrong with you. No one hits milestones at the same exact moment in time. It’s okay if it takes you a little longer than the people around you. There’s nothing wrong with being a late bloomer.
4. It’s okay to make mistakes in the bedroom. No one is going to be an expert at sex when they’re still new at it. But here’s the thing — every single person is different. Every single relationship is different. Even though your partner might have more experience than you, they’ve never been with you before. That means they’re going to be just as clueless as you are. They are going to have to learn your specific likes and dislikes, just like you’re going to have to do with them. You’re both in the same boat.
5. Your partner is probably insecure, too. Even the most confident people are going to doubt themselves sometimes. Whenever you start to feel insecure about your body, remember you’re not the only person who feels that way. It’s scary to expose yourself to another person. It’s natural to be nervous.
6. It’s okay to feel insecure — but it’s not okay for your partner to make you feel insecure. If the reason you’re embarrassed is because your partner has been making cruel comments about your body or your performance, then you need to find another partner. Never settle for someone who treats you disrespectfully. Only date people who make you feel more confident, more beautiful, more alive.
7. Sex isn’t the most important thing in the world — or in a relationship. Your serious relationships should be about more than sex. They should also be about friendship. About support. About loving and caring for each other. Sex is important, but it’s not the only thing you need in order to make a relationship work, so don’t get too obsessed with it.