If You Use These 35 Horrible (But Hilarious) Pickup Lines, You're Not Having Sex Tonight

If You Use These 35 Horrible (But Hilarious) Pickup Lines, You’re Not Having Sex Tonight

If you use these pickup lines from Ask Reddit, you’re not going to have sex tonight.

1. Did you see the mistake on Spotify? They didn’t have you listed as the hot single.

2. Want to see my ventriloquist act? Sit on my knee and I’ll make your lips move.

2. Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.

3. I’d break every chair in the world just to have you sit on my face.

4. You can call me Shrek because I’m head ogre heels in love with you.

5. Is your middle name Ariel? Cause I’m pretty sure we Mermaid for each other.

6. Are you a bank loan? Because you got my interest.

7. Are you a shower? Because I can see myself slipping into you and crying uncontrollably.

8. Hi, I’m not usually this tall, but I’m sitting on my wallet.

9. Are you a medium rare steak? Because I’d eat you even if you were bleeding.

10. Wanna be a single mom?

11. Are you the SAT? Because I wanna lay you on the table and do you for three and a half hours with a 20 minute break in the middle for snacks.

12. My dick just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

13. You know that dress you’re wearing would look even better laying on the floor next to my bed.

14. Did you just sit in a puddle, or are you pleased to see me?

15. You look like trash. Let me take you out.

16. Hey, I think my dick is unconscious and it needs CPR…

17. Are your parents bakers? Because those are some hot buns!

18. Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in raw.

19. Are you a dragon? Because I’d slay you.

20. If you were on the MacDonald’s menu, you’d be a MacGorgeous.

21. Are you a cow? Because leather sure looks great on you.

22. I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U…

23. I saw you checking your phone, but you don’t have a missed call from me yet, I need your number.

24. I shit my pants, can I get in yours?

25. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I was on you I’d be cumming too.

26. Do you have some cheese on your upper lip? Because you smell Gouda.

27. Are you a drained pool, babe? Because my hose can make you wet again.

28. If you were a booger, I’d pick you.

29. You’ve got two hands, but 3 holes, so cover up the two you don’t want me in.

30. Do you work at Subway? Because I’m pretty sure you gave me a $5 footlong.

31. You’re like a jar of Nutella, because you’re thick and I’m trying to spread it.

32. Porn ads got it wrong. You’re never one of the hot singles in my area.

33. Are you Abraham Lincoln? Because you’re causing an uprising down south.

34. Are you a pinata? Because I’d need a blindfold to smash that.

35. Are you a fire alarm? Because you’re really fucking loud and annoying. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

January Nelson

January Nelson

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.