1. You’re constantly worried about whether your person is having a good time. You’re more concerned with whether or not they’re turned on than whether you’re getting anything out of the deal. If they don’t moan enough, you’ll freak out. If it takes them too long to orgasm, you’ll freak out. If they don’t reassure you how amazing sex was after you’re finished, you’ll freak out. You need constant reminders everything is going well or you’re going to assume the worst.
2. You can’t even enjoy it when someone else is going down on you. Instead of getting lost in the sensation, you’re busy worrying about whether it’s taking you too long to orgasm or whether your moans are too loud or whether you look cute from their angle. You’re trying too hard to put on a good show for them instead of authentically enjoying the moment. Since it’s so hard for you to get out of your head, it makes it harder for you to orgasm, and then you feel like you’re disappointing them and feel guilty.
3. You’re self-conscious about the way you look, so you’ll turn small decisions into big ones. You’ll debate whether to keep the lights on, turn them completely off, or dim them to a point in between. Then you’ll debate whether to get naked beneath the covers or on top. Then you’ll debate whether to keep your shirt on or to strip yourself completely naked. Then you’ll debate whether you’ll look better showing them your front or your backside. Every decision is complicated for you.
4. You’re terrified your person is secretly making comparisons. Part of overthinking is expecting the worst. That’s why there’s always a nagging voice in the back of your head warning you that your person probably enjoyed sex with their ex better, or that their ex was skinnier or sexier or kinkier. Even when you’re having a great time, even when your person hasn’t done anything wrong, the moment gets ruined by your most insecure thoughts.
5. Your prep-time takes up large chunks of your day. Your overthinking doesn’t start in the bedroom. It starts hours earlier. You spend forever in the shower shaving every inch of your body and scrubbing yourself clean. You spend even more time afterwards, rubbing lotion onto your skin to make it smooth and applying makeup and styling your hair and picking out the perfect bra and underwear combo. Getting ready for sex requires a whole process. A whole day.
6. You’re never fully present. If you want to be great at sex, you have to be present. You have to enjoy the moment. And honestly, you’re horrible at that. You’re always worried about the past (whether you said something stupid when you were flirting with them) or the future (whether they’re going to stay to cuddle with you after sex is over) and never give yourself time to focus on the present. You never give yourself time to really soak in the moment and get excited about being there with them.