44 Hilarious, R-Rated Tinder Bios For Your Favorite Disney Characters
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44 Hilarious, R-Rated Tinder Bios For Your Favorite Disney Characters

These dating bios from Ask Reddit are inappropriate — but hilarious.

1. Snow White: I like to take care of 7 guys at the same time.

2. Cinderella: Don’t worry about me losing a shoe, because I won’t be wearing anything tonight.

3. Mulan: I’ll make a man out of you.

4. Gaston: No one fucks like Gaston, no one sucks like Gaston. No one splits it then quits it like Gaston.

5. Baymax: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your desire for sex?

6. Tarzan: A Real Swinger.

7. Goofy: Father of one, not looking for a relationship, only want to fyuck.

8. Donald Duck: I don’t wear trousers so you see right now whatcha gonna get.

9. The Little Mermaid: Darling its better down where it’s wetter, take it from me.

10. Sleeping Beauty: I like to wake up with a kiss.

11. Kronk: Squeaky squeak squeakity squeak squeak. I’ll let you know what that means later.

12. Mother Gothel: I may look young, but I’ve got experience.

13. Buzz Lightyear: To the G Spot… and beyond!

14. Ralph: I’m gonna wreck it!

15. Slinky Dog: I got something else you can stretch.

16. Anna: My sister wouldn’t approve, but wanna get married?

17. Hades: Looking for a Hot time? I’ll show you the time of your life.

18. Cruella De Ville: No Peta members.

19. Perdy: I have 101 children and they are my world. They will always come first. If my dogs don’t like you then I won’t like you.

20. Ursula: I won’t stop until I make you lose your voice.

21. Winnie the Pooh: I’m just looking for my hunny pot.

22. Hercules: I’m literally a god, what more could you ask for?

23. Cinderella: Let’s hope it fits.

24. Alice: Looking for someone sane. Been down that rabbit hole before.

25. Stitch: Looking for Experiment 69.

26. Jasmine: Just want someone to rub my lamp and take me to a whole new world.

27. Rapunzel: And yes. The drapes do match with the carpets.

28. Elsa: Who’s next in line to try and thaw this ice queen?

29. Eeyore: I’m just here for some tail. Thanks for noticing me.

30. Quasimodo: You’re not the only one getting humped.

31. Aladdin: I’m rich. I have my own sentient monkey and carpet. I can literally show you the world.

32. Pocahontas: My last boyfriend killed my people and stole my land so yes, I do have trust issues.

33. Maui: What can I say except you’re welcome?

34. Rapunzel: Looking for someone to pull my hair.

35. Mrs. Potts: I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle (size 34D if you must know) and here is my spout (nice and smoothly shaved). When I get all steamed up (maybe you can help with this?) hear me shout! Tip me over and pour me out (I hope you don’t mind a wet spot on your bed).

36. Snow White: Some day my prince will cum.

37. Yzma: Come let me pull the right lever.

38. Gepetto: I really know how to use my wood.

39. Cinderella: If you don’t like feet, swipe left.

40. Woody: Andy won’t be the only one that’s coming.

41. Li Shang: Girly guys and manly girls only. No Mongolians.

42. Mickey Mouse: Single and looking, last girlfriend was fuckin goofy.

43. Pinocchio: When I lie, my wood gets longer.

44. Belle: Don’t care what you look like as long as you have a big ass library. TC mark

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January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer. Her work has appeared on Facebook, ... Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.