1. What honestly worked for me was following the 5 second rule. Whenever you need to do something but don’t feel like it, immediately start counting down from 5 and once you get to one just start doing it. It sounds dumb but works. Realize that motivation is trash and you’ll never feel motivated, except to do things that feel easy. Look up Mel Robbins on YouTube. She explains it perfectly.

2. Set a schedule for yourself. Not one of those pussy ass pre written schedules, you write this one as you go. Wake up, write down what time. Whatever you do first, write it down: “9am-1pm: Played video games” “1pm-2pm: took shower and brushed teeth.” You get it.

Keep looking at your old “schedule” and improve upon it.

3. First step, don’t hate on yourself so much. You’re never going to realize your potential and worth if you put yourself down. It’s ok to have bad days. It’s ok to feel like shit. We all experience this and for the time and clime we live in, it’s fairly standard. Try and do a little bit better every day. Brush your teeth, floss, make your bed, do the dishes, stand when you eat instead of sitting, don’t take your phone to the toilet, drink water. The little things will snowball. Once you prove to yourself that you can take care of the little shit, the big shit just becomes groups of small shit.

4. Aim low.

Do the tiniest thing possible that will make you feel even the tiniest sense of accomplishment. Clean your room. If that’s too much, maybe just make your bed and that’s it. Get those little “wins”, and use them as momentum to build up to bigger tasks/accomplishments.

Forget getting that new job/getting ripped/asking the gorgeous person out. Start with making your bed.

5. Compartmentalize your tasks.

Do you have cleaning to do?

Make a check list and check off then items as you do them. It’ll feel like you’re getting more done.

6. I had to strop trying to tackle a huge TO DO list. Big lists are overwhelming to some people.

On days that I want/need to accomplish something (Like – at work), I make a list of THREE things I need to get done that day and get straight to those things before anything else. No Twitter, Reddit, Facebook, etc. Just get to those three tasks. I find I just keep going when those three things are done.

They don’t have to be monster tasks either. Break a monster task into a bunch of smaller tasks and get them done – even if spread over a few days.

7. The first step would be to find a therapist to help deal with the crippling depression that is causing that much self-hatred and low energy.

8. Just look up tons of motivational memes on Instagram. Nothing is more motivational than trust fund babies telling you to get out there and make your dreams come true.

9. Wake up at the same time every single day. Consistency is key.

10. Talk to someone. For real. Talk to a therapist or a doctor or someone. You don’t have to constantly feel like you’re trying to get through life in second gear. You’re not as lazy and useless as you think. Reach out if you need to vent to someone.

11. By getting over the mindset that you have to give everything 100% or not bother. If you can only give 10% today it’s better than nothing. I’d rather go to the gym for 20 minutes than none because I’m not up for an hour. I’d rather get at least the dishes done than nothing.

12. Break things into bite sized pieces. Start a timer for 10 min to start and see if you can get through that, after the alarm goes off it gives you motivation to keep going. Works for me when I feel like I can’t do anything. Start small, everyone can do 10 min! Good luck.

13. I make lists of little things to do in a day, bigger things to do in a week, etc. It helps.

14. Clean your room and maintain it as necessary. (Even little tasks like this make you feel more productive and better about yourself, plus it is nice to live in a clean environment.)

15. Stop calling yourself names and putting yourself down first of all.

The more you call yourself a lazy piece of shit the more likely you will be one.

16. Erase all social media.

17. Get out. I spent most of my summers in bed or on the couch watching TV due to my depression before I turned 18.

Once I turned 18, I got a summer job. I was out of the house for 7 or 8 hours of the day. I had friends or at least coworkers who pretended to like me, and that sometimes led to hangouts.

Even better, I applied to a second job and that has been amazing. I don’t get home until 6 or so, and go to bed by 10 (lots of sleep helps my mental health) and so it’s only 4 hours to pout or nope or anything.

18. Lazy piece of shit in what context? As an educator, I see many different types of students, and they all have so many wonderful things to offer other than just subscribing to a value of “usefulness” based on their ability to generate money/fulfil a societal contract of getting married, having kids, and making money.

I say that the most important thing is to just be you, and take time to reaffirm that it is okay to be you. You are already by default are going to be special and amazing in something, and you should just focus on that, and know that you are still growing.

A lot of my students are bogged down by the need to become a doctor, lawyer, w/e, when they know that it’s not right for them. I think the most important thing to do is to live “authentically” to yourself, and surround yourself with people who share you enthusiasm and viewpoint.

I think the most important thing is to learn that living authentically is good enough, and to tune out people who try to turn you into what they want for you, rather than what you want for yourself.

I had to go to therapy for months to learn this lesson, so know that you are good enough, and that you don’t have to do everything at once. One victory at a time.

Also, one way I now have an easier time making sense of negativity coming my way from other people is to remind yourself that those people probably have layers of trauma and shit they need to deal with as well, and one way for them to sort it (in an unhealthy way) is to project it and fling it on to people.

19. Find a hobby! Anything that you enjoy, just get out into the world.

Also, be kind to yourself, the more happiness you put in the world, the more you get out of it. That mindset has gotten me out of some pretty dark places.

Don’t be afraid to get out and meet people either, whether it’s in line at the grocery store, or a walk in the park. The more you get out, the higher chance of you meeting someone.

If you’re an introvert, pick up hiking! I grew up in a mountain town in Colorado, and when I was in high school, it was super hard for me to get outside. I didn’t like how I looked. I started to gain weight and my self confidence was nowhere to be found. Then one day I decided to get outside because I wanted to see a change in myself, and I found that hiking was really good for me. It cleared my mind and I was able to enjoy life one step at a time. After a couple of months I was seeing changes in me both mental and physical. It was really good for me! (Also when I was hiking I’d always have my dog with me and he’d make sure that we kept going for a long time)

I’m not saying that hiking is going to be what works for you, but I do encourage that you find something that clears your mind and that gets you in the right headspace.

Keep a good attitude as well! You’ll start noticing changes almost immediately! I wish you the best of luck, keep pushing forward! You got this!!

20. First of, cut yourself some slack. Everyone has peaks and valleys, and that is ok.

Second, one thing I learned from reddit was the act of “paying it forward” to yourself.

Say that you spend a lot of time in front of your computer, like me. Every time you get up to refill your water bottle, get a soda, go to the toilet, you do one extra thing. If the dishwasher needs emptying, empty it before going back to your computer. Next time you get up, you throw out the trash. Small victories will add up eventually, and those small victories are very important to me when struggling with depression or anxiety.

Healthy habits aren’t formed overnight. I still have far to go, but paying it forward to myself really helped me keep my life clean, physically and mentally.

21. Figure out what you want in life. Don’t focus on all the ways you can feel bad about yourself. (Negative people around you will, but ignore them.) Instead, focus on something positive you want to see happen, then orient your efforts around that.

Ultimately, if you try to use guilt to motivate yourself, it will work a little, but you just end up being dissatisfied because you resent yourself and see yourself as your own enemy. If instead you have some positive things to work toward, then you can see work as a good thing. Sure, work has unpleasant aspects (that’s why it’s called work), but they’re a lot easier to handle if you can relate it back to something you want.

For example, think about scrubbing the shower. One way of looking at it is to think, hmm, I only scrub the shower once a month at most, but what you’re supposed to do is scrub it every week, so damn it, I suck, why can’t I just get off my ass and do this basic thing that other, more responsible people do? Another way is to think, hey, I remember once how much nicer it was when I had that shower clean, I would walk into the bathroom and see that it was clean, and it was satisfying and maybe I felt in control, and I want that feeling again, and scrubbing the shower is how I’m going to get there.

One way you may be able to relate better to positive feelings about work is to think about a hobby where you put in a ton of effort but it doesn’t feel like work. For example, ever spent 10 hours plugging away getting better at a video game? It probably wasn’t an entirely pleasant process. Maybe you skipped a meal, your body or your eyes got tired, etc. But that didn’t stop you and you did all that because you wanted to beat that level or whatever. Your work lined up with a goal you set for yourself, so you had no problem doing that work.

22. Well, for one, don’t think of yourself as being useless. And start living not for yourself, but to benefit others. You will find that doing for others and the benefit that comes from that will invigorate you to do more. And you will also grow along the way and become a valuable asset to others.

Take pride in learning, growing, and find an outlet to express and utilize what you have learned. Stay around positive people, avoid negativity, and unplug from social media which can be a HUGE source of negativity.

23. Think about why you don’t do stuff.

You can’t fix it if you don’t acknowledge that it’s a problem.

Really try to assess why you don’t do blank.

Problem: I don’t brush my teeth in the morning when I don’t have time. So the fix is to give myself more time.

Solution: Go to bed an hour earlier and wake up an hour earlier.

Problem: I don’t clean house because it feels like it would be an enormous undertaking at this point because I’ve let it go for so long.

Solution: Every time I go to the bathroom, or when I’m in queue, pick up a few pieces of trash and throw them away.

Problem: I sleep the day away.

Solution: Think of any reason to get up early that is rewarding or I enjoy. (There is a place in town that sells these sweet golashes? But they are only open from like 0500 until 0900 so I wake up early just to get one of those and then play games for an hour or two before I do whatever I need/want to.)

Problem: I have a hard time getting up in the morning because sometimes I feel like life sucks.

Solution: Change my alarm to Circle of Life and when it goes off grab my cat and hold it off the edge of the bed, “ONE DAY ALL OF THIS WILL BE YOURS!!!!!”

Problem: I waste my day doing things I don’t enjoy just because the alternative is doing something productive and I just don’t wanna.

Solution: Narrate like I’m in Stanely Parable and just be fucking ridiculous, especially if I don’t feel like it, eventually I’ll really go over the top and laugh at how absolutely ridiculous it all is, I’m always smiling by the end.

Problem: I have a massive library of games and none of them seem like fun.

Solution: Pick a multiplayer game and spend time searching for and helping newbies.

Problem: I’m unhappy.

Solution: Try to make other people happy. If I’m miserable then doing shit for other people won’t make me more miserable and it’ll make them happy which in turn will make me happy.

Problem: I feel like my life sucks because I hate my job and getting out of bed in the morning is just too much. But I don’t want to quit because searching for a new job is scary and I don’t want to risk making my life worse.

Solution: Sorry hoss, just start looking for another job in your off time and when you get an interview and an offer ask if you can give two weeks, if yes then put in two weeks and then start your new job, if no start your new job. If your job makes you miserable and it isn’t wholly on you then fuck ’em.

24. Stand up, right now. Look down at your hands. Listen to your breath. Feel your heart pumping within you.

You’re alive, here on one of the few tiny scraps of rock in this vast universe where you’re possible – where anything like you is possible.

For three billion years, your ancestors have escaped meteorites and ice ages, volcanoes and floods, droughts and predators and viruses and fire and earthquake. They have seen the moon draw away and the Earth’s spinning slow, the continents cool and the atmosphere fill with water and oxygen.

Throughout all those long eons, those tiny mindless cells became fish and reptiles and then mammals. They cooperated, competed, killed, lived. They became humans, and through the long march of history they have survived the wars and pogroms, been heroes and villains. Thieves, saints, cannibals, doctors- every strategy and choice and lucky break is in you summarized and concentrated.

You are the last link in a chain forged across billions of years. You inherit a crown passed through untold generations of winners. You are impossible. You are a miracle.

Look around you. Look at the world we have made, full of knowledge distilled from painstaking examination and wisdom hard-won by a billion survivors and veterans and saints. Look at how far we have all come. Look at the people around you, all asleep to the greatness within them.

Close your hand, open it. You have so many choices. You can do so much. Your time is drawing to an end. Who will tell your story? What will they say?

You can pass the torch. You can stand in glory. I know you can. Because every atom within you has been present for countless victories. You wear a shape sculpted through countless trials. Your thoughts echo down the hallways of a mind designed to master the problems of this world.

You are the end of a billion journeys. You are the summit of a mount older than the stones. You are the victory. You are the reason. You are, and you shall be. Go now. Go forward, to shape the wonders and tales of the world that will follow you. Add a brick to the monument of civilization. Honor the web of life that has made you. Bring life and love into a world that has offered the same to you.

Your time is here. Your victory comes soon. Go.

25. Do things badly!

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Let go of that voice in your head that says that if you start something you need to finish it. (I bet it sounds like your mother) Let go of your perfectionism.

Wash one dish! Put your dirty clothes in a hamper! Go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for five minutes! Open a word document and write one run-on sentence of that novel you’ve been meaning to write for years! Inertia effects motivation the same way it does objects — once you are up and moving it will be easier. Tomorrow you might be able to wash two dishes, walk for ten minutes, do a load of laundry, write three sentences of that novel — but if you can’t, don’t beat yourself up about it! Let yourself feel good for accomplishing what you could. Set small, achievable, even ridiculous goals and once you get used to reaching those on the regular, up them. Bit by bit, you will see progress.

26. Depends on what is causing you to be a “lazy useless piece of shit”.

• Sometimes that’s caused by an absolute lack of motivation, which can in turn be caused by depression, dysthymia or a restrictive environment that won’t let you even look for your calling. In this case therapy is the best fix, and medication ia useful tool.

• Sometimes that happens because your anxiety pushes you towards avoidance through paralyzation and you don’t even realize. In that case, therapy and medication.

• Sometimes you’re like that because, frankly, you really enjoy it, and the real problem is the people around you making you believe it is wrong to live your life that way even if it is functional to you.

• Maybe you just were never taught how to be proactive and you require to modify your personality.

• Or maybe you are self-sabotaging due to a system of dysfunctional beliefs.

• Maybe you’re not “lazy”, but actually tired. Maybe you aren’t eating well enough, or not drinking enough water, or you have restless sleep due to stress, anxiety or something else, and you really are tired.

• Or maybe you really mentally tired and really do need the rest.

Step one would be fidning out why you are a “lazy, useless piece of shit”.

27. Practice being productive every single day. Recognize that motivation is fleeting, but discipline persists.

28. Things seem overwhelming if you’ve let them build up and avoided them for a while. Responsibilities like chores and a job are bills you eventually have pay to yourself in the form of labor. You can’t fix it all in one day, it takes time. I was where you were for a long, long time. Feeling like I was worthless, lazy, etc. Take it a step at a time.

29. I recently joined a gym, but I needed some kind of motivation to actually go, so I told myself, “there’s a B-Dubs nearby, if you go to the gym you can go get some buffalo wings right afterwards”.

30. Positive reinforcement my dude.

Take pride and feel good about the good choices you make.

Don’t criticize or condemn the bad decisions. Bad decisions help you learn and make better decisions in the future!