If you’ve been having horrible sex, your boyfriend might not be the only one to blame. You might be encouraging him to suck. If you’ve been doing any of the things mentioned down below, then you might want to reconsider the way you behave in the bedroom:
1. You’re faking orgasms. I get it. The sex is bad, so you want him to climb off you as soon as possible. Or maybe you just feel guilty about how you aren’t orgasming and want to make him feel better about himself. Either way, if you keep acting like you love the moves he’s using, even though you’re cringing on the inside, then you’re going to send him the wrong signal. You’re going to encourage him to keep repeating his worst performances.
2. You don’t know your own body. Some women are unfamiliar with their own bodies because they weren’t taught how to love themselves. They weren’t taught it’s okay to enjoy sex. They weren’t taught their pleasure matters. If you don’t even know how to make yourself orgasm, then it’s going to be difficult to teach someone else how to make you orgasm. You might want to spend some time exploring your body. Once you figure out what makes yourself tick, you can guide your boyfriend better.
3. You’re not having open, honest conversations with him. If you’re comfortable enough to have sex with someone, you should be comfortable enough to talk about sex with them. It might be a little awkward and embarrassing to sit your boyfriend down to talk about your kinks and turn-offs, but it’s something you should do if you want him on the same page. Otherwise, he’s going to make assumptions about what you’ll like based on his exes and porn stars — and that’s a recipe for disaster.
4. You’re giving him whatever he wants without asking for anything in return. Yes, most good boyfriends would offer oral without you having to ask for it. But maybe your guy is clueless. Maybe he’s lazy. Maybe he’s too shy to initiate anything sexual himself. Regardless of the situation, you should be vocal about what you want. You’re allowed to ask for oral. You’re allowed to ask for an orgasm. You’re allowed to point out how unfair it is he’s getting all the pleasure.
5. You’re not giving him any verbal clues. Isn’t in the worst when you’re going down on a guy and he doesn’t make a sound? Not only is it awkward, but you have no idea whether you’re doing a good job. Remember that the next time you have sex. If you like what your boyfriend is doing, moan or dig your nails into him or give him some sort of indication you’re enjoying yourself. That way, when you aren’t giving him those cues, he’ll get the hint you aren’t enjoying yourself.
6. You’re showering him with (fake) compliments. If you tell him he’s the best sex you’ve ever had, he’s going to believe you. He’s not going to think he needs to improve. You don’t have to hurt his feelings by telling him he sucks in the bedroom, but you can point out which moves you prefer and which ones you aren’t really into. It might sting for him to hear in the moment, but it will make sex better for both of you in the long run.