50 Animal Lovers Explain Why Their Cat Is An Asshole

1. My cat will literally parkour off of my back onto the furniture. The first time it happened I thought my partner came up behind me and shoved me, but no.

2. My kitten will wait for me to turn on my computer after work so he can watch the moving background I have.

3. Every time I sneeze, my cat comes out from wherever he is and meows at me with concern. I choose to believe he’s meowing “bless you”.

4. I used to have a cat that had an obsession with Chinese food. The amount of times she trotted along with an egg roll she secured was too numerous for me comfortably admit.

5. If you are leaving for a trip she will sit on your suitcase for hours to try and prevent you from leaving.

6. My cat eats the dog’s food to assert dominance.

7. When I worked evenings he would sit on the couch near the front door waiting for me to come home. As soon as I walked up the porch he would curl up and pretend that he was asleep.

8. My previous cat would sit in my hair while I slept, butthole against my scalp.

9. The cat I had when I was a kid developed a weird habit later in her life. Whenever she was laying on me, she’d stare me dead in the eyes and just slloooooowly stretch a paw up and stick it in my mouth. Don’t know why.

10. My cat is seventeen years old. She will replicate the sound of our alarm to wake up. If we change it, she will change how she screams to get fed.

She will always, ALWAYS, scream her version of our alarm an hour early. And she will always change her screaming.

I love her screaming.

11. My cat puts live spiders in her mouth and brings them to me… in my bed… while I’m sleeping.

12. My cat can jump up and hit the ice maker so he can play with the ice cubes when they hit the floor.

13. My cat will sit facing a random room corner and just stare at it for thirty minutes. Once in a while she’ll try to attack it. I’ve checked many times there is nothing on the wall when she stares at it for thirty minutes straight.

14. My cat is obsessed with bottle caps. Whenever he hears one being unscrewed, even if he’s fast asleep and we’re across the house, he comes running to steal them. They’re his favorite toys. I keep a jar full of them, and whenever he invariably bats one under the couch or fridge, he goes and fishes a new one out.

15. Runs across the dining room and kitchen, stops as soon as she hits carpet, makes eye contact with me, and throws up

Why can’t cats throw up on hard floor? I don’t know. Does she hate me? Probably.

16. Chicken makes him angry. If he gets a piece of it, he growls and snarls until it’s gone. No other meat makes him act like that.

17. My fiancée and I have a cat who hoards straws. She will steal them right out of drinks. We never thought a whole lot of it until we moved out of our last apartment and found a massive hoard of straws under the bedroom dresser.

18. He took my dirty underwear from the basket and then buried it in his litter box.

19. My cat puts her front legs into the air and hops around like a kangaroo.

20. My mate’s cat used to crap in the toilet.

Little fucker wouldn’t flush after though.

21. My cat has an obsession with ramen noodles. Only cup noodles though. Anytime I try to eat them she steals them right as I’m about to put my fork into my mouth.

22. My Sphinx sprints for the door any time I try to open it because he wants to go outside and chew on grass, he never swallows any, he just likes to chew.

23. He once left just the head of the bunny on my front step. Not body… just a disembodied head.

24. My cat used to climb my bedroom doorway. He would back up like 10 feet and full sprint towards the doorframe then climb to the top.

25. My parents’ cat refuses to drink from a bowl on the floor (with fresh water) and will instead jump up onto the counter and demand to drink directly from the faucet. I keep telling them they need to ween the bad behavior, but he’s a brat at his core being.

26. My cat loves to dig my earplugs out of the trash and bat them around.

27. Figured out light switches. I can’t keep furniture near switches or she jump up on then to shut them off.

28. My cat for some reason HATED scrabble, and ONLY scrabble.

During a game, he would jump on the board and throw the pieces everywhere. I never understood why he did that.

29. She loves licking plastic for some reason? Things like food packaging.

30. Waking up to him somehow stuck to my goddamn ceiling three times now.

31. Drags in things from the garage that are way too big for him to drag in. Latest one was the whole roll of weedwacker string at about 10 at night. Not too play with either. Just howls the whole time and drops it when I confront him.

32. My cat just stole and either hid or ate my fiancée’s engagement ring.

33. My cat loves celery tops. She attacks the bag and rolls around in it like it’s catnip.

34. He refuses to drink water out of the cat bowl. He’ll drink out of the dog bowl and the toilet, but not the cat bowl.

35. Well my cat just hopped in the shower with me.

36. I’ve woken up to my cats licking my legs multiple times.

37. One of my cats eats tape. I’m not talking about just chewing on it a bit, like she’ll literally swallow it and then barf it up later.

38. My cat blows air out of his nose like a cartoon bull when he’s excited to play. His little nose expands and he lets out a raspy squeak through it.

39. My elderly indoor cat used to cry for me to take her outside in the winter. She would cling to me if I tried to put her down in the snow – she just wanted me to carry her around for a few minutes outdoors.

40. My cat goes bat shit crazy when she smells bleach. She frantically scent marks and spazzes out in front of the toilet every time I put it in there. She seems to be in stress. I put her in a bedroom on the other side of the house now.

41. I was on the toilet with my pants and underwear around my ankles, and she apparently thought they’d make a good hammock, so she jumped into my underwear–still around my legs–and proceeded to curl up and fall asleep.

42. I had a cat that didn’t know how to meow.

It actually didn’t speak cat. I don’t know what language this creature was speaking.

It didn’t meow. It “GAAAAHHH”ed.

Sometimes he seemed like he was honestly trying to meow, but it still just came out as “mmmmmmGAAAHH”.

He was a total sweetheart though.

43. Our cat absolutely loves being held when anyone is on the toilet. I have no idea why. She will come in the bathroom with you and beg to be picked up and purr so loudly when you hold her. It’s so fucking weird.

44. One of my kitties, Binx, has a shoe fetish. Or maybe just a foot fetish in general. loves rubbing on shoes constantly, especially when I get home and first take them off she will come dashing from the next room to shove her face in them. And she is the type of cat that will bite when you pet anywhere but her head–unless it is done with feet and then she purrs the entire time.

45. Not exactly weird, but the dumb motherfucker kept finding ways into the walls of my old apartment then scream until he found his way to an exit. Idiot.

46. He keeps on licking a certain wall (tiles) in the bathroom and a stone column in our front yard. He licks those daily. I can’t tell why he does that despite checking on Google for answers.

47. He meows for attention and only stops if I pick him up and carry him around. I’ve had to learn the difference between his “I’m hungry” meows and his “I need attention” meows and his “I don’t need anything, I’m just messing with you” meows.

48. I was having acupuncture at home and my cat jumped on the bed at looked at me with an extremely worried face. Suddenly he started taking the needles out of my body one by one with his mouth. It was quite bizarre.

49. Walked to the end of the driveway, turned around, then ran as fast as he could to the front sliding door, launched himself at the flyscreen and used the momentum in the swinging weight of his body to slide the door completely open and walked on in like the motherfucking boss he was.

50. My cat carries a stuffed fish around my house and meows with it in her mouth.