1. Sex when you’re not in the mood.
In a healthy relationship, you should be completely comfortable saying no to your person. And, of course, your person should understand what the word no means. They shouldn’t try to pressure you to change your mind. They shouldn’t guilt trip you about how much they’ve done for you lately as if you owe them your body. They shouldn’t compare you to an ex who used to sleep with them three times per day. They shouldn’t make you feel bad about your decision. They should simply accept it.
2. Sex where you don’t even come close to coming.
In a healthy relationship, you should communicate with each other. You should put effort into each other. You should spoil each other. That means, if your person is the only one who ever orgasms, something is severely wrong. You deserve pleasure as much as they do. You deserve oral sex as much as they do. You shouldn’t be sacrificing your own enjoyment in order to make them happy. Sex is supposed to be fun for both of you, not only for them.
3. Sex when you’re hurting.
If you experience pain down there, you should ask your person to stop right away. Don’t force yourself to continue. Don’t worry about disappointing them. Don’t feel bad about leaving them with blue balls. You can fulfill their needs in other ways — or they can take care of themselves. They’ve done it before and they can do it again. If you’re with the right person, they would never want to hurt you anyway. They would rather stop than cause you pain.
4. Sex where you’re body shamed.
Your person should only have positive things to say about your body. If they comment on how much weight you’ve gained or how small your breasts are, then they don’t deserve to see you naked for a second longer. Your body is beautiful. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t deserve your time — and most certainly doesn’t deserve to sleep with you. Keep your standards high. Even if you haven’t learned to love your body yet, that doesn’t mean you should let others disrespect it.
5. Sex where you feel physically unsafe.
If you want your person to use a condom, they should use a condom. No excuses. No whining. No bargaining. Safe sex is the only sex you should be having.
6. Sex where you feel emotionally unsafe.
Your person should respect your turn-offs in the bedroom. If you tell them you don’t want them to choke you or smack your ass or use handcuffs on you, they should listen to you. You should never feel unsafe with them. You should never feel threatened by their actions inside or outside of the bedroom.
7. Sex where you’re counting down the minutes until it ends.
If you don’t want to be having sex, you shouldn’t be having sex. The right person isn’t going to leave you because you weren’t in the mood one night. If you’re using sex to keep someone around, then let them go. They’re staying for the wrong reasons. Hold out for someone who likes more than your body, someone who is happy to spend time with you even when sex isn’t involved.