1. She challenged literally everything I said with something worse that happened to her and would say rude things just claiming to be honest.
2. Emotional vampire.
She unloaded all her problems on me and never listened in return. Nothing is ever her fault.
3. They used me as a “rain coat” meaning they barely acknowledged me while their “actual friends” were present. They asked me to stay with them after school and spend time with me only when they didn’t have anyone else to spend their time with.
4. She would talk shit about ALL of her “best friends”. These were people who loved her. And she would constantly just put them down behind their backs. I can’t even imagine the shit she would probably say about me. One day I said the wrong thing, I guess, and she completely dropped me. It was over some petty shit and it destroyed me for years because I was so in love with her.
Years later, she ended up cheating on her boyfriend, who was completely devoted to her, with his sister’s boyfriend. It was then I realized that I dodged a HUGE bullet.
5. One-upping you, and shutting you down. I had a “friend” last year who I connected with on many levels, but she literally couldn’t go one conversation without doing both of these to me.
Example, I’d say: “Ugh, I’m coming down with a cold and I’ve gotta go to work.” She snaps, “Wow too bad for you, I’ve done that every day for a week!”
Or in a group, I bring up an idea of where to eat: “That place sucks, let’s go to _____!”
If they’re randomly rude and cutting towards you for no reason, they aren’t your friend. They resent you, and aren’t mature enough to just cut you off. Do yourself a favor and find another friend.
6. If you are having a problem and you go to them, they quickly relate it to their problems and take over the conversation.
7. Would lie and manipulate me into thinking that my other friends hated me.
8. She only calls me for advice, which she doesn’t follow, EVER. I recently found out that she calls at least 5-6 people to talk about her problems. She asks them for advice, which she ignores. She just likes the attention. She calls us all back and has us comfort her when her world implodes after ignoring our advice.
9. They only wanted to talk to me whenever they felt lonely, but never wanted to talk to me when they were fine.
10. She wasn’t responding to messages for days but spammed and got pissed off if I don’t respond within an hour.
11. They only wanted to drink. If we were just chillin at my house they would bring a 12 rack, then complain they were bored and wanted to go to the bar. Before I knew it I was getting drunk 3-4 times a week. Our friendship use to be playing games, hanging out with friends, but it devolved into just sitting on a couch drinking. Its an easy trap to get pulled into.
12. Everybody she knew was out to get her but not me because I was “special”. Super fucking manipulative.
13. I was always the one who texted first. They never actually initiated contact with me. Took me forever to realize that obviously they were more important to me than I was to them.
14. I was expected to put her first on my days off, but the second she got a new boyfriend, she would disappear and not answer her phone for weeks at a time.
I was then always expected to pick up the pieces and spend 24/7 with her when her relationships would fail.
15. She just had a really fucked up outlook about life, and expected everyone to constantly cater to that, and her constant self deprecation (compliment fishing). It was exhausting, and eventually I just stopped contacting her. She never contacted me again, so I guess the feeling was mutual.
16. They would talk about me behind my back. It made every interaction with them feel fake. Eventually you can’t put up a facade anymore.
17. Nothing was ever her fault, I was always the one coming to her to apologize after a fight. I don’t think she was doing this maliciously or anything, I honestly just think she didn’t spend enough time reflecting on her actions to figure out what she had done wrong.
18. Clinginess, like… excessive. She’d call me every day and spin yarn for hours. Yeah, it’s nice only the first three times you do it, but every day I just plain don’t have that much to talk about.
19. Zero Communication.
Okay, I get it, we have jobs and lives to keep tabs under. Responsibilities are okay to have and keep track of and I’ll never fault you for it. But, people in my past friendships have stretched those reasons way too much to the point where I hear not even a peep from them for months to even a year. Not to brag, but I’ve held jobs in my life where I didn’t think I’d have time for anyone and I had my own responsibilities to upkeep. Yet, I’ve still found time for people, but nobody has returned the benefit.
20. I’d always be down to do something that was their idea, but me coming up with plans and inviting them was futile.
21. I was just never invited. I had to ask what everyone else was doing all the time, and eventually I just got tired of being friends with people that clearly didn’t want to be around me.
22. Only ever complained about EVERYTHING, only talked about herself, always in a bad mood.
23. Tell her something confidentially, next day our other friend knows about it.
24. He kept borrowing money from me and other friends, always promising to pay it back but never doing so.
All of us thought he was just going through tough times and that it would pass.
Sadly, as it turned out, it was a way of life for him. We wanted to “believe in him” and ignored the red flags.
25. He would constantly try to flirt with girls I was into, even when he knew my intentions. Didn’t respect boundaries, waited all of a week to hop in with my toxic ex.
26. When she disagreed with me, she would put ME down, not my opinion. She didn’t attack my arguments or what I liked/believed, but me.
27. Not feeling comfortable being honest without an overreaction. Always walking on eggshells.
28. For me, it’s flakiness. Pure and simple. Like, it’s perfectly okay to cancel on someone, because life does get in the way and we’re only human. But when it happens often enough, you start to realize that it’s not so much that they’re terrible with time management, and more to do with the fact that they’re just not invested in you as a friend. Rule of thumb, a friend who can’t even spare one hour for you in a three month period isn’t your friend.
29. Lousy thoughtless presents. One year for my birthday she gave me a pair of thick heavy socks with Christmas decorations all over them. My birthday is in the middle of summer and I live in the desert. At the time it was well over 100° F every day.
30. When I would hang out with a friend without her (even one she didn’t know) she would be offended and give me the silent treatment.
31. I noticed her constantly fibbing, it usually wasn’t anything huge, she’d change a detail or two, maybe skim over some facts in a story she was telling. I should have paid more attention because those fibs turned into bold face lies and two-facedness.
32. She would dismiss my knowledge and experience all the time. She would also get angry if I got any praise from lecturers in front of her.
33. Wanted me to drop my life whenever they needed me too, but said I was a clingy friend when I asked for their help.
34. I was THE last resort friend and it was a position I did not like being in. I’d only be invited along to trips if everybody else canceled first, paying up if nobody else had money, and being shoved out of the social circle if it was half full but nobody was interested in me unless I was the last person there. That friend I had would never call or text me, but if she was alone and nobody else was hitting her up she came running to me once in a blue moon.
35. She hit me all the time for varying reasons. We had been friends since I was two and she was three so I thought this was normal.
36. She gossiped about our other friends and other people way too much. She loved “getting information” on people and would hang out with them just to do so. She would even straight up complain about someone sometimes, claiming they bully her and she never wants to hang out with them anymore, but she would always voluntarily go hang out with them again.
37. A genuine lack of support or purposeful negativity about my passions. I’m an aspiring filmmaker, and whenever telling him about my ideas the response was typically along the lines of “who cares, you’re not going to make it anyway.”
38. Always would claim not to have other friends and got upset whenever I’d do anything without her (even if she was busy doing something else). Wouldn’t let me communicate with anyone (texting, calling, talking) even my family unless she could be included.
39. She liked to “test” me.
Would go for a job interview and instead of texting me to let me know how it went, she’d clock how long it took me to ask her. She soft-blocked me on Twitter (I actually had to look up what this means – apparently blocking and then unblocking someone, which forces them to unfollow you?) and then called me out for not noticing, etc.
40. She would call me and talk nonstop about her made up drama for 30 minutes and then say bye. The only word I would ever say was hello.
41. Couldn’t take any sort of criticism without acting like he was being personally attacked.
42. I was always the one to suggest things to do/meet-ups, and would have to wait until she felt like answering/going. Would often answer with simply “can’t” or “no”. Ok, actually prefer this to a lame excuse, but rude. Never offered an alternative, and don’t think she ever suggested meeting up herself, come to think of it.
43. He was always the victim in the shitty situations he ended up in. Turns out he was just a manipulative liar.
44. Liars liars liars. Beware of people who lie. Gossip. If they talk badly about others to you, they are bad mouthing you to them.
45. Can’t have a discussion about anything because my opinions are always wrong even when I don’t get a chance to explain my thinking.
46. When you are obviously the one who cares more about the friendship. If you would drop everything to hang out, and they flake on you constantly, it’s probably toxic.
47. Fighting dirty.
I mean arguing in such a way that there was no agreeing to disagree or coming to a mutual resolution.
If I didn’t admit my whole and complete responsibility for whatever was wrong and promise to work hard to fix it, they would wear me down and wear me down for days. Literally days. Relentlessly.
Sometimes loud, sometimes soft, sometimes silently, sometimes openly, sometimes in front of other people with veiled references only I would recognize, sometimes ‘lovingly,’ sometimes accusatorilly. Everything was some kind of ego gazing relentless drive towards my utter and total responsibility, their innocence, my apology, and their ‘gracious’ forgiveness or ‘deserved’ punishment.
It was exhausting.
48. She only came to me when she needed help, even going so far as bombarding me with calls knowing full well that I was at work and couldn’t pick up the phone. When she didn’t need my help, she almost never replied to my messages. Told me I was her best friend and when we hung out, she spent most of the time on the phone. Also, she kept going on about how unfair life was and how everyone was an asshole to her.
49. The constant put-downs/insults that are only “jokes.” Cut them off.
50. Asked for space in the mornings for a week so I can study; flipped out and acted like I was being unreasonable.