1. We really do think your hair is good. It looked good before and after you got a hair cut. If looked good curly and it looked good straight. It looked good when you woke up and when you did it. As long as it’s shaped like the hair we gave girls on stick figures when we were 5 years old, we think it looks good.
2. Often times, we genuinely don’t care where we go to eat because we’re just hungry and want food. Any food. As long as you eat some too.
3. We don’t get the hint. Saying, “I almost broke my neck in the driveway,” is not the same as asking us to shovel it. In my mind I’m thinking, “Thanks for the heads up, I’ll be careful.”
4. When we want to be alone, it’s not that we don’t want to be around you, it’s that we don’t want to be around anyone for a bit.
5. Your chances of getting what you want out of us are infinitely higher if you tell us directly.
6. If you compliment my appearance I will probably remember forever.
I still remember when a girl in college told me I look nice with my beard when I first grew it out. I’ve had a beard ever since…
7. As an older man, we don’t expect you to look like a supermodel as we age together. Yes, at times I do see you as I did 30 years ago and every wrinkle and flaw disappears. Yes, there are times I see every wrinkle and flaw, and know how you got every one of them. They are beautiful too.
8. There is no amount of hot sex that will stop us from masturbating as soon as we’re alone. Its two separate releases and you just filled up the spank bank.
9. Men have a box that our minds go into. It’s called the “Nothing Box.”
So next time you ask a man what he’s thinking about and he answers with “nothing.” There is a good chance he’s telling you the truth.
10. Just because we’re in the shower for an abnormally long time doesn’t mean we’re jerking off. Guys like to have long hot showers too ya know.
11. I like hugs…
12. It’s actually not always so easy to get an erection. Sometimes he’s tired, or he’s nervous or worried, or he’s on meds that make it difficult (antidepressants are notorious for this) or any number of things. The stereotype is that men are always ready to get up and go, but this is far from true. So don’t expect it, and don’t be offended when his dick doesn’t want to play, even if he does.
13. Sometimes we masturbate just to pass the time. It is not sexual at all. It is a bit like making a coffee to pass ten minutes.
14. Dudes can be crazy starved for touch. Or maybe just Americans but generally if you wanna be there for your guy, scratch his head or like, his back. Hold his hand, put your hand on his leg, do that thing where you guys lock arms/elbows when you walk.
When I’m frustrated or in my own world stressing about money or what I have to do later that day, it really brings me back and grounds me to enjoy the moment with my girl.
Take care of yo’ man.
15. It’s not uncommon for us to genuinely think you’re beautiful without any makeup.
16. When we say, “I like boobs,” you have no fucking clue how much we mean that.
17. Scratching our nose during a hookup is actually a sniff test to see if we should go down.
18. I have thought about having sex with all of my female friends. Doesn’t even mean I want to, but I’ve thought about it for sure.
19. If you want something to happen between us, you gotta meet us half way. If we’re not making a move, we are probably doing our best to not fuck it up.
20. Ladies, you need to slap us across the face and yell “Fuck me now” at the top of your lungs in order for us to get a hint.
21. Guys also like to be walked up to and asked out.
22. Men can think other men are hot without being sexually attracted to them.
(Some) Men can have a respect for someone’s looks regardless of their sex. It doesn’t mean they want to screw that chick or that guy, it just shows a level of appreciation for the way someone looks or the way they carry themselves.
23. Sex isn’t all we want in a relationship. I’d rather be with someone who understands me but only does it once in a while than someone who I have sex with every day but don’t connect with emotionally and mentally.
24. If we have a goofy hobby and you take interest in it, even the slightest, we love it.
I’m a big gamer and my wife (who also games but not the same ones I play) will often watch what I’m doing, ask about the game, and generally take an interest.
Her saying “oh, are you looking forward to Anthem?” is really cool and I appreciate her interest, it’s be so easy for her to pay no attention, and her doing so makes a big difference.
25. Sometimes we like to be the little spoon.
26. I definitely looked at your boobs when you looked the other way.
27. If after consoling our SO we have a hard on it’s probably not because we’re horny. Affection Erections are a thing.
28. When you think you are being clear you are not being clear.
At least thirty percent of the time a gf tells me about something I’m completely unsure what she really means.
29. Cuddling with any girl (hell some guys too) with whom we’re close is the best shit ever. Even if it’s not a person you’re interested in, it just feels great. I feel safe, loved, and important whenever that happens.
30. We always pull the zipper away from our crotch before zipping up.
my wife (gf at the time) once reached over to zip up my pants and I had near heart attack from the instant and real fear that she would zip the tip…
we learn to pull the zipper away at a fairly young age because we don’t enjoy zipper tracks on our gentlemen bits.
31. Sometimes, for the uncircumcised amongst us, your foreskin will roll up and completely refuse to stay rolled down again. This leads to the driest, most uncomfortable bell-to-cloth scenario that requires an awkward navigation toward the nearest bathroom. In such circumstances, there is no hope of being able to concentrate on any task. The feeling of having a rotary bench sander in your pants tends to occupy 99% of cognitive function.
32. We’re just as insecure as anyone.
33. If you want something just ask us. We are task orientated. Saying, “I’m cold,” won’t always register to us as, “I need a blanket can you get me one.” And if you’re mad at us for something just tell us and we will probably stop doing that thing if it’s realistic. DON’T just fester in your anger for days and wonder why we don’t care. We do, we just have no idea what you want us to do.
34. We will go to the end of the universe to hide our search history. Thank god for Incognito Mode.
35. We ‘manspread’ because our balls are being squished and it is REALLY uncomfortable.
36. Just because you’re my girlfriend, that don’t mean I don’t ever jack off when you ain’t around.
37. It’s not that we can’t take hints; we are just afraid of looking too far into something. If someone is flirting with me I have the dilemma of “is she actually into me or is this just how her personality is?”
38. Sometimes we want to not do anything cause our dicks get hard for no reason.
39. Men can have eating disorders and body positivity issues too! I’ve struggled for years, and yet the few people that I do open up to about it just write it off as a phase or just forgetting to eat once in a while. But when girls come forward with the same issue it’s immediately addressed as a serious matter. And when the issue is talked about on a larger scale, men are rarely, if ever, included.
40. If it is hot outside, and you see a guy do some wacky dance, they are just unsticking their balls.
41. I’m not staring at you, I’m zoned out thinking about how I’d start a brewery in medieval England whilst my eyes just happen to be facing your direction.
42. There is an unwritten rule of bathroom urinal etiquette that is never taught to young men, but is somehow universally known.
When a man enters a public restroom to pee in the urinal, he is to occupy every other available urinal from other urinating men. Meaning, the prime peeing positions are in urinals 1, 3, and 5 if that is available. 2 and 4 should only be occupied if there are no other choices.
43. Morning wood can be cool for wake up sex, not cool if you have to pee. We have to do all sorts of acrobatic maneuvers to pee.
44. When we come home from work, we could use some down time to do nothing. The car ride home does not count. Give us 20-30 minutes without unloading.
This may be true for everyone, but having a moment to just be dormant on your couch or in front of the tv let’s our body and brain say, “ work is over and you can put it behind you!”
45. We desperately want you to toss us things instead of just handing them to us.
46. It’ll take 100% of my willpower to not scratch around my groin in a public setting. The itching can drive me insane yet the euphoria from actually scratching it is so good, I often imagine this must be what it’s like scratching a dogs ears.
47. At the urinals we typically pee on soap bars, ice or plastic mats to reduce splash damage and smell.
48. After a shower, we have no problem drying our balls and face with the same towel. Most of the time we try to dry the face first, then the sack. But sometimes we have to go back to the face. We just hope we use an uncontaminated part of the towel.
49. We don’t care how popular (or unpopular) you are with other women. So it shouldn’t factor into how you value yourself when dating.
50. When people come crying to us, our first inclination is to fix the problem.
Since this is (often) not possible, lead with something along the lines of “Can I vent for a minute?” Or anything that signals to us this is just a time for active listening, rather than a problem solving session.