12 Ways I’ve Used #YOLO To Justify My Poor Life Decisions

1. I told a boy that I had a crush on him five minutes after I saw him making out with some girl at a house party. After confessing my true feelings, I lunged at him so we could have a make out session of our own. Surprisingly, it worked. The power of YOLO, you guys!

2. One night recently I went to an ex-boyfriend’s birthday party and waited around until everyone left so I could seduce him. My plan backfired, however, because by the time everyone left, I was so wasted that I ended up just passing out on the couch. The next morning, my ex was like “…” and I was like “…” and we both were like “YOLO.”

3. Anytime I eat after 4 a.m., it’s predicated upon the excuse of “YOLO.” There should be a sandwich at the deli just named “YOLO.” “I’ll take the YOLO to go and, no, I prefer not to talk about it.”

4. Last month, I stayed up till 6 a.m. with a beautiful boy I just met. He was so gorgeous but so, so dumb. I don’t ordinarily do things like that. I don’t just go home with beautiful boys and stay up till 6 a.m. I am a lady, dammit! But, I swear it was the YOLO taking over me. Okay, and maybe like a little bit of the MDMA I ingested earlier in the evening, if you want to be honest, WHICH I DON’T. That night, as he was bringing me to climax, I wanted to scream “YOLO YOLO YOOOOOOO-LOOOOOOOOO!” but I didn’t. Missed opportunity, for sure.

5. Ordering delivery three times in one day. #YOLO.

6. Crying in a dressing room because you went up a size. #YOLO.

7. I quit my job six months ago because I hated it and the florescent lighting was hurting my eyes. I thought that by quitting, it would motivate me to finally follow my dreams or whatever, but so far it’s just been a giant, broke nightmare. I think this was a case of #YOLO gone horribly wrong.

8. “I’ll take the large popcorn. No, medium. No large. No wait, I’m sorry, let’s stick with the medium. And by medium, I mean large.”

9. Deciding to hate myself less and less each day is a definite YOLO inspiration.

10. Not wearing a bra. Always and forever YOLO. I think it invented YOLO actually.

11. Doing foot fetish work for extra money was less of a YOLO moment than it was a “You only live once and during that time you have to have money to eat” kind of thing.

12. I once hooked up with someone dressed as “It’s Pat!” at a Halloween party. I honestly didn’t know what gender they were until we got naked. Luckily, it was a boy and we had some fun. YOLO didn’t exist at the time so I’m not sure if it counts. If you do something that’s very YOLO before YOLO exists, is it really YOLO or just an unwise wasted decision? TC Mark

image – Shutterstock

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  • http://raycrackthesky.tumblr.com raymondthimmes

    I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

  • onyae

    HAHAHA. This was a good laugh

  • http://www.facebook.com/dalia.asfoor Dalia Asfoor

    You are funny! “The next morning, my ex was like “…” and I was like “…” and we both were like “YOLO.” <3

  • Josh

    Ryan, you are beyond hilarious.

    • bob

      omg

    • Luce

      Uh… January wrote this?

      • Josh

        Woops, my bad. WordPress mixes the authors up, I should’ve checked! January, you are beyond hilarious!

  • Emily

    This made me laugh. I work in fashion design and ALL we hear about from retailers, when it comes to t-shirts, is “YOLO.” It’s huge. TOO huge. Same with the word SWAG.

  • Tiffany

    Gosh, this was a good laugh to get me through the next 33 minutes of work. Gracias.

  • http://isisohisis.wordpress.com isisohisis

    <> uuugh i just majorly laughed out loud in the middle of my office… great read!

  • http://isisohisis.wordpress.com isisohisis

    I was trying to quote this- “I once hooked up with someone dressed as “It’s Pat!”” in the above, but I obviously have no idea how to use the internet.

  • anon

    omg #5 and #6 back to back is perf

    thank youuuuuu for making my thursday afternoon

  • ani

    too funny

  • http://www.emmasthing.com emma

    you are an inspiration.

  • G

    whoa, a list about using dumb internet slang to affirm dumb life descisions? u go girl, quite possibly the best article TC ever published.

    • G

      uggggh, geez lighten up! its meant to be funny, dont take everything so seriously. i thought this was hilarious.

      thanks January, i needed a laugh today. love your writing!

      • G

        how’d i do guys?

  • http://xraelex.wordpress.com xraelex

    time to find this girl and hit on her

  • http://theskinnyailurophile.blogspot.com/ Nadia

    good god i have a love-hate relationship with this slang. it’s like “fucking YOLO wtf” but then it’s also like “FUCKING YOLO FUCK YEAH”

  • Jeff

    slut

    • Alexei

      I’ll bet you get all the girls don’t you Jeff?

  • Kin

    hahah this is brilliant.. I’ve done some embarrassing things in the last few months to warrant a similar “YOLO!!!” effect. The king of Justification!

  • Anya

    This was wonderful, I’m trying to stifle my laughter at work. yolo.

  • Paulina

    Probably the funniest article I’ve read on this site.

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  • Allan

    Not a single one of these things are yolo. Go jump out of a plane, that’s yolo.

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