Ok here it is. I’m fat, chunky, large, voluptuous, curvy, call it what you want, at the end of the day, I’m a large and in charge bitch. And guess what, it’s not as bad as people think it is. I mean yes, in the summer time, Spanx is the difference between making thigh diamonds or a few lint balls. But I digress. It’s really strange constantly being bombarded with sex and what is sexy in our media and at my job, I would be full of shit if I said the images being portrayed versus my reality did not bother me. Yes, over the years my confidence has grown but that awkward not so little chunky girl still creeps up on me. The point of this post isn’t to cry about my self image insecurities. That’s old news and frankly, I’m sick of talking about it. Today we are talking about something else I’m sick of, the misconception that large girls cannot be sexy, do not enjoy sex, or are desperate for sex.
A while back, I went through a crazy little phase where I totally just “slored” out (No slut shaming here, kthnxbye) I had many conversations about why I was doing this and what kind of guys I would be looking for. Eventually, I got the hang of things and started hanging out with some pretty good looking men if I do say so myself. (If any of you said men are reading this, see…I can be nice too ;P ) Periodically, I would get little back handed comments like,
“Aren’t you scared to go on a date with him? He’s so hot.”
Mmm-hmm, and why would I be scared?
“I mean, aren’t you nervous about him seeing your body?”
Well, if I wasn’t before, I’m sure as fuck nervous now. Why is it that so many people assume, just because a woman is plus sized, she is somehow intimidated by good looking men or have difficulties capturing the attention of a man at all? This is going to sound really bitter but A. Fuck you for not thinking a good looking guy could be attracted to me, maybe he’s into my body type. B. Ya know, a personality comes with all of thisssss too. C. Thinking all men are as shallow as the guys that made you so insecure about yourself, then trying to poison the confidence of other people. D. Thinking I’m enough of an idiot to sleep with someone that would make me feel bad about myself. The sad part is that during this whole time, not one guy made me feel bad about my body, it was always other women. And yes, I do realize that some guys are willing to say anything to get laid but, in many of the cases, to my surprise, they wanted to see me outside the bedroom too and developed feelings towards me. In one particular situation, I remember being in bed, just laying there and the guy just swooped in next to me, hugging me, saying “don’t ever change this”. Though I didn’t need validation on if he liked my body or not, it was a very sweet gesture, that made me believe that every large girl, who’s ever been dealt with body image problems and think they’ll never find a partner most definitely can, and a very attractive one at that. Long story short, I was not looking for a relationship at all and to be honest, found it very empowering to be the one calling the shots in what I wanted. See, fat girls can even turn attractive guys down. Ha Myth one destroyed. Sorry had to get that out of my system.
As far as big girls not being able to enjoy sex or not having the same quality of sex our smaller counterparts are is just insane. Yes, some positions are more difficult for us, but we most definitely excel in other things. There are some great books and guides out there on sex with a larger partner. There are also plenty of really great positions and sex aids like Liberator ramps that can make a world of difference. When it comes down to it, to be good at sex does not mean that you fit some kind of sexual-mold. You just have to be opened minded, curious, creative and want to have fun. I mean, no matter how much you weigh, if you’re just focusing on sucking it in and arch your back as much as you can to make your ass look better, how the hell are you going to enjoy anything? Just trust that your partner knows you’re beautiful, be comfortable and enjoy sex for what it is. If he or she has anything negative to say, kick the fucker outta bed and make some mad love to yourself because baby you deserve it.
Looking sexy is something soooooo many people are insecure about in bed. From,”I don’t want him to see my tummy flaps.” “My boobs are not perky, they hang too low.” “I’m too boney” to “What is my face suppose to look like during an orgasm.” “Is my vagina supposed to be this colored?” Let me just say from personal experience, (aside from “I’m too boney”) even as inner dialogue, these are mood killers and I get the the feeling that most guys either don’t care or don’t even see what you’re seeing. Guys or any partner for that matter, don’t know what you’re thinking but your actions from these thoughts can be felt by them, which can be taken in a negative manner about their bodies and sexual ability. Which in turn can kill their mood and begin a really awkward cycle. We seriously just need to get out of our heads during sex and know that we are sexy and beautiful, period.
I know we just talked about embracing your beautiful body, no matter what it looks like but I also understand that, for some people, baby steps needs to be taken to unlock that achievement. So, if you don’t feel completely comfortable with certain parts of your body, lingerie can be your best friend. Plus I’m pretty sure your partners won’t complain about this one. For instance. If you have a bit of a pooch. Something like this could be great because it still shows plenty of skin, yet has the ruching that will somewhat conceal whatever it is you are not super comfortable with.
With that being said, if you have any questions about lingerie, body image or whatever, just give me a hollerrrrrrrr here.