By the time they show up on my doorstep to collect me
I’m tired
and done
because I knocked on their door for a year
and no one ever came
so it doesn’t matter
that you’re here
at my door
don’t you see?
I waited for a year for you!
don’t you see?
But I’m here
you shout!
I’m here now and I want to love you and stare at you and kiss you and bring you coffee and take you to mexico and take you to Greece to see your father
don’t you see!
I shout
I wanted that then!
now
now I am tired
I’ve been disappointed by you
I’ve been let down by you
I’ve knocked for days without food or sleep for you
you never came
I lusted for you
I longed for you
I dreamed of you
I participated in my mind in a life we would live together
I dreamed of waking up next to you
of building our lives together
but you were grey
and unsure
and I sat there alone dreaming
and you tried to love another woman
and then you’d show up
but with half of you
not present
and hurt me deeper
until I threw all of your things from my house
so don’t you see?
it doesn’t matter if you are finally here
finally here to collect me
I’ve given up
you aren’t the sweetest tea
that I want to reach for anymore
you were the sweetest tea
but you never showed up for me
and now I like coffee.