Today I was having a debate at Boneyards with one my favourite humans in Encinitas.
He’s about twenty years my senior and for the last two years I have always loved his sparkle and energy even before we were friends.
He had this infectious sunshine about him—a vibrant youthfulness that shouted from his spirit effortlessly.
The last few months since my visa was approved we’ve developed a kinship.
It started over splitting party waves at our favourite break and has evolved into his wife being my acupuncturist (and completely healing my hormone imbalance) and me inviting his family to my birthday and local events.
“It’s so fun having a female surf buddy!” he will say, splashing the water with the playfulness of a child.
Seeing his yellow board in the lineup is often the best part of my session. We laugh and smile so hard our teeth often get a tan.
When we first started to be friends he turned to me one day and said, “Janne there are very few people in this world who when they talk to you, make you feel like you’re the most important and only person in the room. You do that.”
I have felt seen, and loved by this being since our beginning.
Today we didn’t agree—we had a debate about politics, about trump and part of me felt frozen and afraid to have polarizing different views.
At one point I went, “I’ll love him anyway. Even if he likes Trump.”
He paddled back out after catching a wave and I was rather distraught.
“I feel unsettled having different points of view. Politics are so polarizing. You’re my spirit animal. You’re one of my favourite humans and I’m scared we could have such different points of view that I’d loose you.”
The child in me acknowledges that this might be father wound, but I just put my ego away and let it be and say what I’m feeling out loud.
Our usual goofiness falls away, his face and tone is serious.
“I’m not going anywhere. You have one of the best hearts I’ve ever known. You’re so special Janne.”
I wait for a “but”.
“There are no buts. I just want you to know that.”
My eyes water.
“I love you and I’m so glad we’re friends. I want to surf till we’re old.”
“I love you too.” he replies sternly and with tenderness.
Thank you to the masculine of this world who can hold space for the needs of the women in their life.
Thank you for the men who have hands that have been weathered enough to honour the sacredness of a woman connected to her heart who sometimes needs assurance and security.