I’ve been visited indirectly by two beings struggling in suicide today through people in my life.
Just sat around a fire drinking wine hearing the story of a soul who feels utterly abandoned in their darkness by many people in his life, and listened to two new friends speak of their efforts to support this being.
I was immediately visited by the grips of suicide and that pain body in someone I love who committed suicide and its excruciating. It made me want to bang this person’s door down, hold them in my eyes and tell them, “You’re not alone,” and then move them into my house and love them back to life with everything in me.
I’m not going to do that.
What I did do was offer words and ways they can support these humans.
So many of us either directly, or through someone we know, know suicide and depression.
So many of us unfortunately have the experience and therefore unfortunately the wisdom of this human experience.
I want to write a whole post about the ways I believe we can hold and love each other — strategies and boundaries and ways to love without enabling codependency, but those are big thoughts for another day.
Tonight, it’s late, and I want to end this day with light.
I want to send some love and encouragement and energy to these two souls indirectly in my energy field.
I want you to think of someone you love who struggled with depression, or committed suicide or perhaps just someone you truly deeply love and hold–and comment below with what you would look them in the eye and tell them if they had just tried to leave.
These will be anonymous love notes to those in darkness tonight, but I want you to speak like you mean it — as if they are truly your own. Because they are, we all are.
And then we are going to send all of that love + support into the vortex of this world to those who believe they are alone, who may read or not read this–in the hopes the love wraps it’s fingers around them and holds them tonight as they sleep.
I’ll go first:
Dear being in darkness,
You are not alone. Try not to be alone in your thoughts — our brains are loud and noisy and can breed unloving thoughts that drive us mad. Go play. Go be in the ocean and the sunshine and put your hands in the dirt. Touch trees. Eat some nourishing food — I’ll cook for you today. Drink water. Take a bath. Get out of your head, and into your body. Ask for support — tell someone everyday how you are really doing. I know you’re afraid. I know it feels like a burden too big to bare and you believe if you tell the people you love and think are awesome that you somedays don’t wish to be here, that you’re afraid you will be more alone — but I promise the beings who are true to your soul will only love you more and more because of your ability to bare your heart. There is nothing you can tell me or do that will make me love you any less. Don’t be ashamed — life is fucking hard sometimes. I believe you. I trust that the darkness you are sitting in feels loud and real and if you tell me what I can do to support you, I’m here and I will. You are not a burden. Please walk beside me. Please hold my hand and gaze into the clouds and marvel at this world with me. I am here. I am here to awaken you to anything I can, and I just want you to hear above all–that you are not alone. And that your life is significant, and has meaning and I’ll love you either way–but I hope you choose to stay. I hope you try. I really hope that before you leave you try and dedicate all you can to living, really living–honestly out loud, doing things you love with people who are kind and love and care about you. Please let these words exit my heart and enter into each cavity of your body, and beat like blood in your veins until my life force is humming inside of you and your legs walk and your spirit lifts.
I love you, thank you for staying.