I Step Over Her And Into All That I Am

Ali Kaukas

It is like a lightbulb of betrayal going off in my soul
one by one
I see the moments as they are
women that I love
not holding me up
but punching me in the soul
perhaps they wish to take the shine
that I cherish and openly worship inside of them
from me
they do not know it is theirs
perhaps they didn’t know
but I am suddenly looking their unconscious joker
who is laughing
as it all comes to

He has white paint around his eyes
red lips
a hat with three dangling bells
I was manipulating you

He walks around me slowly
falling and laughing
large laughs that echo off the dark walls of my psyche
you didn’t even know it was happening!
you thought I was your friend!
he is drifting a feather across my shoulder as he speaks slowly into my ear
their faces flash in front of me
all of them
they dance across my brain
I see them all for what they are

I lash out and scream
elbow the joker in the face
I look at him and scream again
feeling my power reclaim itself in my belly
feeling my intuition fill and fill and fill
feeling my feet
sturdy in the ground
as the joker stands below me
holding his bleeding lip
I step over him
and her
and her
and her
and her
and into all that I am. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Janne Robinson is a poet and author of
This Is For The Women Who Don’t Give A Fuck.
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