You are not
If you want to be with me
or get the fuck out
the woman with fangs inside my heart yells
get the fuck out with all the other men who acted as if it was a burden to love me with the presence I deserved the moment I shot from the womb
I am tired from zombies walking eating my heart without paying attention
be here with me
or I’ll flick your head off
as I walk into a love where presence isn’t a burden
but a sacred gift
an effortless choice made with joy as we are living with our eyes rested wholly on each other’s hearts
I’ve had a dad who didn’t show up
a boyfriend who didn’t sell the guitar so he didn’t have money to buy a ticket to make the abortion appointment
and moms weren’t allowed in
I’ve had men say
yet never buy a ticket
I have abandoned myself so deeply by holding space for love that isn’t love
that you are walking on fire because we do not yet have concrete and you’re only 3 toes in from where I stand
and only 10 toes in count
it isn’t rocket science
it’s heart science
and tonight you get a B minus
yes I’m hurt
of course I’m hurt
and some of these hurts aren’t yours
but if you get in bed with my heart
you get in bed with my hurts too.
You are not
You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.
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