I Hear Normal People Have One Hour Dinners
I hear normal people have one hour dinners
I have 3 hour dinners
where I stare into the souls of humans and ask them what they want
why they’re afraid to walk out the door and into everything they want
ask them if they want to keep eating their bullshit sandwiches or actually leave their marriage
if they believe the bullshit or if they know with each bite what the shit stinks like
feels like
tastes
I spend dinners hosting visualizations
of letting go
while a unaware Italian woman barges in five times asking for change
I go for coffee
and end up sitting for 40 minutes
writing a letter to a woman’s business acquaintance to set some firm boundaries
this is the level of connection
and depth
and no equalizing
I live every single day
and most days it’s enriching and nourishing
and some days
I wish to push my food around in silence
like the sad fucks beside us
tonight
and have nothing to contribute
so I may be still.