Hungry For Silence

Ali Kaukas
Ali Kaukas

Today I don’t want to be touched
or prodded
or needed
asked for
reached for
looked to
looked for
I want to retreat into the isolation
that only cedars and spruce trees know
I want to leave all of my buzzing devices on top of one another in a drawer
where the email dings can gang bang one another while I remain in an uninterrupted
impenetrable silence
I want to get a new number to never see another text message again
text messages are like emails
30 a day and when you reply to them there’s just more in return
it’s a to do list that’s never done
sparkly souls make our eyes follow
our hands follow
today I want to put my sparkle in a box
and run nakedly with the snow
to be in blackness
in night
in a cape that turns me invisible except to the stars and the sun
leaving footprints where the snow sparkles greater than I
I want to feel small and forgettable
I want to be a black dot on this blue and green earth
that makes each passerby yawn at my insignificance
I want to be buried in red dirt
amidst red foxes and black ravens
I want to retreat into the moss
run beside wolves
howl with coyotes
drink from a stream
eat fish that I caught with my bare hands
I want to listen to silence on silence on silence
today the world is loud
and I need to not be needed
and as it ends I growl and swat at the hands like they are flies
tomorrow I will love the world again
and see that the touches and reaches are love
but when I am on empty and my tank is running on dry
I bare my teeth and run into the silence
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Janne Robinson

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