Being in your 20s is what others call “your prime.” It is, supposedly, the time when you get to explore and bask in adventures. It is about drowning yourself in the dreams that are within reach, such as traveling, partying with friends and creating something with your skills and sharing it to the world. I’ve seen it in movies and read about it in books too. But sadly, as a 20-something year old in a society that seems to be getting costly by the minute, I am far from traveling, partying, and creating to share. I have responsibilities that relent me from achieving free-spirited short-term goals that others have the privilege of getting right after they wave goodbye to college.
Recently, I just got over cosplaying as Princess Leia at a Comic Con here in my city. I’m 23-years-old and all I could think about is the weekend that’s approaching so I could get a start on reading books again at the back of my mind, kin-related financial priorities cloud everything else and I end up moping. I love to help others and take care of my loved ones. But postponing the security of my future feels like it’s directly proportional to nurturing a dragon that will eventually swallow me whole. Tomorrows are blurry. What more of the years that are yet to happen?
With the provision of technology where almost everything can be done through the internet or by a machine, human contact and appreciation is lessened. Business entities run by huge amounts of cash value their employees based on their productivity rather than the dedication exerted with every task. It is about “getting the job done” and not about “the passion for the job”. In short, you can get fired anytime. If you were devoid of a savings account, it would automatically mean sleeping in your car, crashing at your mate’s couch or living in your parents’ basement. Knowing that your future is in the hands of strangers is a frightening fact.
Experience and even the elderly teach you to live in the moment. It’s all about here and now, they say. But what about those people who carelessly waste their lives away for momentary joys? Such as sleeping around, depending on wealthy parents or simply indulging on wants based on impulse? With a list of duties in my head enumerated based on level of importance, it is hard to focus on well-deserved joy. Be it a weekend getaway or a free movie ticket to a much-anticipated film, the excitement doesn’t last long. I get a panic attack if I lose myself in a good moment and I forget about what to do next. I do not have OCD, but I have anxieties and worries that prod me to construct my next move.
Right now, all I wish to do is sit in a cafe and take in the fresh air from the seaside, while feeling the warmth of a chocolate cup in my palm. I want my feet to rest on my doll shoes and feel the wind dance between my toes. I want to calm my nerves. I want to rest in the arms of the one who willingly shares my burdens with me. I want to unlearn the forgetfulness I’ve accumulated towards my inner child.
Most of all, I want to be happy without worrying about what happens next.