I Promised The World Not To Talk About You Anymore

woman in red dress
Quentin Keller / Unsplash

ALMOST. Not quite, very nearly.

Mr. Sun was no show today, my head hurts and I don’t feel okay. I had this sudden realization that I miss you in spite that I don’t get to hear about you anymore, despite the fact that I know that you are doing amazing.

A few days ago, I had this feeling of being lost from everything. I lost the sense of being me. I talked about stars again and how the waves of the ocean made me want to fall in love all over again. My moving on stage didn’t kept me moving because there was still you, in my heart. You were the person I’d always remember in every song that I hear. I’d want to sit with you again and talk about the things that we didn’t ever get the chance to talk about, because your world, our world when we had our time, was far different from what I believe I should have.

And then I met people which really made me feel good because they love what I loved, what I used to love. Talking about everything that interests me was good. It was fun while it lasted, until one day, some feelings wanted to come home because it felt that I was already in a far distance from the world that I used to live. I liked how the waves and the stars make me happy, I liked how my kind of music was appreciated by other people. It was achingly unfamiliar, but I loved it more when in spite that you never loved my kind of happiness, you became my happiness, which led me back to the thought of you.

You have never given me the stars only the sun. You gave me warmth to make me miss you when the time is like this. You weren’t the falling star that I waited because you were my prayer, every night, up until now, even if I wasn’t part of it anymore.

There were so many I miss you messages from you that I didn’t attended to, because I don’t want to love you anymore. My only chance to love you is to remember how you tried to blew me a kiss while I was half asleep yet you never kissed me while I was awake. You held my pinky finger thinking that I didn’t notice it but you don’t know that my veins are my accomplices, they know about you even on your tiniest breath.

The smell of the cigarette still reminds me of you, old-school hits still make me go happy because that is yours, I can’t recall a lot from our memories now, but I am sure that I still know your scent, I am still familiar with how you laugh, and how you go crazy when both of us make something terrible and stupid.

It was raining today my love, I hope you are enjoying it. You are still my sun and your memory envelopes me with warmth. I was standing on a place I never had the chance to be standing with you, yet, you were still all that I think about. In my mind, I hear your voice and it sounded so good that it hurts. You aren’t calling me now, you aren’t calling me any longer.

I miss you, and everything in between us.

Love, how can this feeling be so cruel when I promised the world not to talk about you anymore? TC mark

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