You’re The Story I Can’t Tell Anymore

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Max Rovensky / Unsplash

Parallel: Adj. extending in the same direction, everywhere equidistant, and not meeting

That’s what we are. Or should I say, that’s how we were.

We were so compatible in many ways. It’s like a match made in heaven. We both know how to put each other into its safe zone, we may not share the same thoughts all the time but we make it a point to meet halfway. You wanted to meet me halfway, that’s what I believed.

Tonight is a little bit lonelier than the usual. There is a part of me that tells me something is wrong but I refuse to acknowledge it. I don’t know how this happened but I guess, a girl like me, who have been in a back to back heartbreak can no longer feel happiness and pain at the same level. It does always mean so much more. Intensified.

Today, I attended my classes and I heard your name. I went to a friend’s celebration and they asked me about you. I logged in on my old facebook account and they notified me how we were doing the past years. I ate cheeseburger like the way how we eat it. I drank our favorite milk tea, for old time’s sake. Everything around me was still all about you. The fact that even if I go to different places, conquer the world, it is still you.

I am missing people but not as much as I miss you whenever we aren’t together. I remember you in ways I couldn’t remember anyone else. You were the best that I never had. And up until today, I wanted to remember you as that someone whom I loved more than I could ever love my own.

So I am writing this letter to you, to tell you everything I wish I’d be brave enough to tell in front of you.

My love,

You are the love that was so strong I cannot forget. Like a cell, you are my basic unit. Like a DNA, you had always been part of me. But love, you never told me you loved me enough for me to make you stay. You only told me you weren’t yet ready for love but found it when you left. It was not me. All along it was not me.

I still wake up at 3 am hoping that I receive a message from you asking me how I was. I still pray for you like I always do. I still ask the heavens to guide you and keep you safe because that’s all I could ever do, pray and wish for your happiness.

You are my own version of Lany’s hurricane, “I love you still and I always will, even though you are wrong.” It was emotionally mad.

Can you do me a favor?

My love, please let me go. Don’t call me up when you are alone and you wanted someone to make you feel you aren’t. Don’t tell me sweet things when you really don’t mean it. Don’t put an effort on me on buying stuff because you know I don’t need it, I need you more than that. Don’t think of me as your option. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. My heart is too kind to get mad at you. So let me go because I cannot take it. I’m tired running in circles. I’ve kept you in my heart like I’ve held on to your love for so long. It was four years. And it was not worth it. We aren’t worth the trouble. 

And I think, this letter will be my last letter for you. The last letter I am going to write because I wanted to be happy on my own too.

I really liked you. Even loved. But starting today, you’re the story I can’t tell anymore. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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