To The Guy I Still Think About

Today, I woke up feeling a little bit unusual. The power of an eight hour sleep did not get into me. My body felt tired, not just physically but mentally, emotionally. I talked about falling stars and comets to my class. We talked about memories of our childhood. We talked about the birthdays that we got to close our eyes and dream. I talked about secret wishes. And then it hit me.

I thought of you again.

So many times that I already told not just myself but everyone around me that I am not going to write any letters for you and about you anymore because it is tiring to have my heart broken all over again, just because I keep on remembering you in every small details of my life.

But as much as I wanted to keep you, as much as I don’t want to talk about you, God knows how I still think about you. I think of you in every single detail that reminds me of you.

The shop on the mall where we got your glasses, your favorite flavor of milk tea, the kind of music that you listen to, how people talk to me and how it is if it was you. I think of you even if I know that you aren’t thinking about me.

Funny how you are my first thought in the morning and last thought at night. You are my standards to every guy I meet. I look for you in them. I yearn for your love and how constant you were back then. But the reality of life always answers me with questions that my heart is always looking for. If you were truly the one, why are you that one that got away?

How could you? How could you make me feel this way? How could you be part of my system when it has been months since you had your girlfriend without me knowing? How could you love somebody else when it was me who were stuck with you during your worst times?

You had me at your worst. You had me all at once. But you left me. You left me like you don’t know me.

And today, even if I wanted you out of my system, I have to accept the truth that you are already embedded in me. Like a shooting star that, even if I know that you are just temporary, my heart will still remember. Even if it has been a long period of time. Even if it has been since forever.

I hope in one of your future days, you will remember me. You will remember me as someone who did not given up on you.

Until then, I’d still care.