Feminists are once again embarrassing themselves by confirming that women in developed nations have essentially no problems of any kind and feminism in the West has been reduced to women whining over nothing. The latest salvo fired in the angry feminists acting like spoiled toddlers war comes to us from the UK, where feminists defaced posters and called in a bomb threat to the company that offended them deeply by selling protein powder, and daring to use an attractive, athletic model to do so. Because attractive, athletic male models are never used to sell products, right?
Here are five things the #ProteinWorld fiasco tells us about feminists.
1. Feminists are petty
How are feminists offended? Let me count the ways. Cartoon ladies on a rocket scientist’s shirt? Check. Wrapping Christmas presents? Check. Cookies? Check. Attractive women? Double check! Elsewhere in the world, women are sold into sex slavery, stoned to death for adultery, drowning as they try to escape war-torn homelands, fighting the Islamic state and starving to death. What are feminists doing to address these issues? Lol. Are you kidding? Dealing with those issues might require courage. It’s much easier to tweet about how attractive women in bikinis oppress women. Jealousy: such an attractive quality.
2. Feminists are narcissists
#ProteinWorld sells protein powder to people who want to buy protein powder, particularly athletic, fit people, or those who are trying to be. These people are called “customers” and if a business doesn’t have them, it won’t do very well. Average, normal, sane people understand that unless they are customers, or potential customers, the ad is not speaking to them. Not feminists, though. Oh, no. Every ad in the world is aimed specifically at them. Ads featuring gorgeous women with tight bodies are meant to make them feel bad about making different choices. Looking good in a bikini is oppressive and misogynist because potato or something. Graffiti and bomb threats are an appropriate response in a world in which feminists believe everything is oppression. Feminism: the radical notion that everything is about meeeeeeeeee.
3. Feminists are jealous
The heart of #ProteinWorld comes down to one thing: jealous bitches are jealous. Feminists claim that slender women are body-shaming larger women and respond to that by body-shaming the slender woman. #FeministLogic. If every body is a bikini body, then why isn’t the woman in the ad permitted to show her bikini body? It’s almost as if feminists are envious of the prettier woman. A great deal of the anger appears to come from spite, resentment and bitterness that the beautiful woman gets more attention and affirmation than a less fit woman might, wearing the same ensemble. Any woman, any where can wear a yellow bikini and go to the beach. Absolutely nothing is stopping women from doing so, except perhaps a lingering sense that not all bodies look great in bikinis. Screaming at #ProteinWorld and threatening to blow up their facility isn’t going to change that. Diet and exercise might. And maybe some protein powder?
4. Feminists are dumb
In reacting to #ProteinWorld with their typical idiocy and hysterics, feminists succeeded in taking a targeted ad campaign that ran in the UK and make it famous around the world, driving extraordinary and completely unexpected sales to Protein World. The end result is that they have made bikini girl famous around the world and dropped several million dollars worth of sales into a company they would like to blow up with a bomb. Seriously, you dumbass feminists? Did you not see that coming? How about you start a hashtag called #FeministsAreUgly, invite people to judge your looks and objectify yourself to protest objectification and the emphasis on appearance? Oh wait….
5. Feminists are fat
It comes down to this, doesn’t it? The average feminist looks nothing like the woman in the #ProteinWorld advert, and it pisses them off to the ends of the earth. “Negative body issues” is just another way of saying the vast majority of individuals determine what their own body looks like by what they choose to eat and how much they choose to move. Bone density is genetic. Covering those bones with several thick inches of fat is a choice. A choice all humans are free to make, quite frankly, and that choice is the sole responsibility of the person who made it. It is not #ProteinWorld’s fault feminists tend to be fat and miserable. Feminists are planning a “take back the beach” protest in which they will all come adorned in bikinis. Can’t wait to see the pictures. Who wants to bet the protest will prove my last claim thoroughly?
There is actually a really simple solution that will help feminists not feel oppressed by beautiful women in bikinis: buy some protein powder from Protein World and hit the gym. Your body, your choice, remember?