You told me you loved me as one loved certain dark things. My dark clothes, dark hair, dark eyes and dark soul. You loved me in silence, in secret and in solitude. Some peculiar creature glowing in my dimly lit vicinity, a firefly that didn’t burn when it touched me, because it embraced my darkness instead of light. But, maybe burning could have been a better choice than this fate. Still, I loved you for choosing me, for seeing something in my darkness that made me worthy.
You told me you loved me as one loved certain dark things. So, I made you like me. So maybe, you could learn to love yourself too.
I made you selfish and selfless all at the same time. I made you want me all to yourself while being the kind of selfless that was almost sacrificial enough that it didn’t require permission to let me take you away.
So, I did, I took you away like you were mine to take, mine to break.
And I broke you.
I told you, didn’t I? Burning would have been better than what you’ve chosen – this fate. Better than the cold, heartless and empty monster I’ve made out of you and let you become. You told me you loved me as one loved certain dark things. But, I ended up destroying you, because that’s what darkness does.
It’s what it will always do. It drains all the good in you and crushes everything else with its weight.
You told me you loved me as one loved certain dark things. But, certain dark things destroy you. How could you love me enough to let me do that?
You told me you loved me as one loved certain dark things. Tell me now, do you love me still, after all things worse than what others call “pain” and “suffering” that I’ve caused you?
Don’t tell me the answer. I already know. It’s wrong to chase after the ghosts of people you’ve broken. There are just fireflies that don’t glow for you anymore. There are just flickers of light you have to learn to let go. Forgiveness and second chances are for saints, not sinners like me. They’re not for the darkness you still see in me. To you, I always will be the girl you loved like certain dark things and broke you instead of loving you back.
But, do you know? People change, sometimes they do and sometimes they even start running back to you. Yet, no amount of repentance could ever repair the damage that has already been done. And to them what could be worse than knowing the extent of that damage – knowing it’s something they can’t fix anymore, knowing it’s someone that doesn’t even need fixing anymore, knowing that it’s too late? It is knowing, simply knowing that in all the darkness you loved in them so much, you finally chose to see the light. But, not the light they have already become.