I Don’t Want to Lose You But I Can’t Take Anymore Pain

woman sitting on wing chair
Dmitry Schemelev / Unsplash

You are striving to be better while healing yourself with wounds of the past and the hurtful feeling of the present. I understand how hard it is to carry yourself with so much pressure and so I decided to stay and help you take away some of the burdens. It may not be too helpful, but I know I did my best to make some of the experiences easier. I have tried helping you and supporting you and I can say that is the best thing that I could do. I know I am here to guide you and remind you that no matter what it takes, I will never leave, like any other people in your life do.

So I take all the chances to motivate and encourage you. I help you with your problems, share with you the sadness, love you warmly despite the distance and understand every single thing that you cannot do anymore. I may lose some of the good things in life when I am with you, but I am sure I cannot lose you. Your smile after so many days of being so sad makes me jump with joy. The sound of your laughter after your tiring day keeps me on holding on. The tight hug after walking me home and saying goodbye reassures me that I choose the right decision. There is nothing wrong in being with you, even if sometimes it really hurts.

Some days, I can feel you are no longer so warm and alive. Messages become so less and less and I wonder what happens to your day because I do not hear any single message from you. And as a selfless girl, I pick myself up and still greet you with happiness. Yes, it is painful and most of the times it is sad and lonely. I cannot lose you at this moment but the fear of losing myself convinces me to give up. This is all because of holding on too much to someone can hurt both of the sides until it is so hard to love at all.

Loving someone can be so beautiful and painful. Choosing to love someone with scars and wounds and with other priorities require so much understanding and courage. Yet, holding on to someone who has been through a lot of pain without waiting for something in return is unconditional and hopeful. In the end, I can cry and stumble and cry again while getting hurt but when we love someone, this feeling of caring and loving will defeat the pain itself, all because we cannot imagine to lose them in the end.

We have our own wounds and imperfections to take, we just have to find the perfect and the right one to help us heal again. TC mark

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