I am always the forgiving one. The one who keeps on trying whenever I feel that you want to give up. The one who holds onto so much hope that someday, you would definitely know how important I am to you. So, I keep on giving more than I could offer. I constantly remind myself that I cannot lose you. Not for the second time. Not anymore.
I am always the one who keeps people. I am not used to being left behind so I tighten the grip and embrace every single memory I have with you. I will never get tired of cooking food, preparing a coffee, buying you gifts and writing you poems and letters despite being tired and lonely. My presence will always be about yours. Leaving me in this attachment means my absence as well.
But I guess, everyone can be exhausted as a child who keeps on reaching for his favorite toy in a distance. Because he knows he can never get it, he will find something that will be worth it. And I think I found out how I can happy again.
To let go and lose someone who means so much to you is like losing a part of yourself. There are spaces that will be empty for a number of days and even years before it can finally be whole again. I’ve had enough of the rejections. I cannot be the one who always forgives and takes care of people. This time, I need to love and take care of myself, too. I am not selfish, but I know I am more than any loss and defeats. I can lose people who do not know how to love me.
But I cannot lose myself.
I am always the one who loves too much. Yet, this time I choose to love myself. I choose to reserve the feeling of having someone I want to spend the rest of my life with because I am with the right people. I do not have regrets that I lose you and this loss of you will be one of the best decisions I can do for myself.
I do not deserve a half-hearted love. I deserve a love that never let me thinks of a loss of someone just because he gives up. I deserve a love where loss is only just a word but never will be a part of loving.
We all deserve a beautiful ending.