I’m Worth So Much More Than A ‘What If’ Love

Woman in a skeleton t shirt posing on a rooftop
ian dooley / Unsplash

I was used to just see you along the corridors or smiled at you in the hallway. I was there when you announced to the world how a beautiful relationship you have with a person you love the most. I witnessed the days and nights you fought your own battles of anxiety and accompanied you until you became alright. I knew back then, I was just a shadow of your love, an option or a second choice but never will be the only one.

I tried so hard to keep you from going away even if things were shaky and you were not sure of yourself. You became free again and I held on to my hope that maybe, this feeling of yours would see me and recognize what my heart has for you. I offered you a universe, but you still choose her to be your world.

We kept on connecting and detaching ourselves all at once. You were there when you feel like it and disappear when it no longer suits you. I felt I was lost in my own feelings and the more I keep on fighting, the more I lost myself. I ignored the signs, swallowed my pride, admitted my feelings, cared for you when you were sick, helped you with a lot of things, but all I’ve got is a heartache and a tough love.

I guess we all have this time of stillness. We ought to stop until things and feelings are taken for granted. We care for people but we do not love them sincerely. We make them feel important, but we have no intention to continue having them as part of our life. We longed for love and take it away from someone. But darling, I want you to know I am more than the ignored messages, rude conversations, and a never will be genuine concern. I am more than lies, scars and what if questions. I am more than just a what if love.

Because love must always be sure and certain. Love must be always a yes despite all the nos. Love should never hear and feel any second thoughts. It must not question someone’s emotion and care. Love is not a hard question to answer for so long. It must be always ready for risks and battles amidst the doubts and flaws.

You know you can always have your love for yourself if you are not sure of it. Do not make promises of building new dreams as it will create plenty of what if’s. It is okay not to love me. Please do that favor for me. TC mark

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