My worth is more than a bottle of brandy.
I am used to being inside my room writing about how bad my day was and about the memories we had with our own, dear puppies. I am into cuddles and pillow fights rather than spending the night gulping the bitter taste of alcohol without being afraid of asthma attacks. I have been searching for myself for almost four years from now and I thought I finally found a place where I can shed my skin filled with scars. I never thought you will just give me a wound that the pain still inflicted and burned the true colors of my own soul.
I don’t bother going home with tears in my eyes that suddenly turned into laughter of sorrow. I even made myself a clown wearing thick mask of hope while singing to the heartbreak songs in the radio. I smudged my lipstick, placed all the excess baggage at my side, and gave the last shot cheering for the hardest goodbye. I told them about our story, taking the brandy and treating it as my long lost friend. I let the cold night take away the hurtful feeling even just for a while. I didn’t even remember if there were stars in the sky.
Honestly, I stopped caring. I stopped asking myself about the “what ifs” or “what is” that you are referring to. I swear I will never make any promise about my future plans for you. I detach myself from talking, hearing your voice and hiding your pictures while taking it as my wallpaper during midnight. I build high, strong barriers of hopeless and defeat because I know I did everything yet everything is just nothing. I saw a glimpse of worth and care for myself. I am tired of giving the best in me; I am not like those stars though. I am the sun who owns the light of the day and I remind myself that I can make the most out of it on my own. I don’t need those twinkling sparkling lights but rather live within the glow that comes from my heart.
I am more than those stories written in books. I am more than the princess who wear glass shoes. My worth is countless and priceless to be a part of someone who will never appreciate even a small ounce of it. I am a warrior and princess at the same time. I can fight and conquer those heartaches and fly across the sky.
My worth is more than a bottle of brandy I drank last night.