Why People Say Shit They Don’t Mean

It isn’t rocket science to know that your empty words have a negative effect on those whom they are dispersed to. Promises that aren’t kept; what ifs; and just simple bullshit seem to be the most common forms. Kind of like the other Golden Rule, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” what is the need to say things if you don’t mean them?

I am assuming this but I think it is an accurate assumption… No one is behind you twisting your arm, making you spew these worthless words. What fucked up demon is sitting on your shoulder urging you to essentially lie? People need to think before they speak. Especially this day and age where people read into every little text message, spoken word and vague look. Hardly anything is at it appears, leaving it up to unqualified people to interpret/decipher every little interaction. Playing the guessing game is hard enough, made only more challenging by the people who say things they don’t mean.

You want to call all of these people assholes and go on a gender-specific fueled hate rage. I know it isn’t always this simple, so let’s break down the reasons that may explain why people talk out of their asses:

They really had good intentions.

Everyone wants to believe this is true. At the beginning of a relationship, for example, the perp made promises about never hurting you and about the eternity of your love. Can you blame them? Everything was new and exciting and at the time, maybe they thought that it would in fact be that way. The good intentioned never mean to hurt people, and it isn’t always fair for us to hold their 3-year-old words over their heads. We all know how things change day-to-day, minute-to-minute even. I have been here. I have made promises that I thought I could keep. No matter how a relationship ends up, there is always pain- unintentional, but present nonetheless.

 They want to believe it is true.

This one can be hard to swallow because it is tragic. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t style. A lot of times people say things in a mantra to make themselves believe the validity of the statement. “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” We have been conditioned for it since we were children. Repetition inspires confirmation. If they keep saying it, if they keep making the promise, then maybe it will hold true, maybe it will turn out they way they wish for it to. Circumstances change and our environment can influence our decisions more than we may like. Decisions aren’t always cut and dry, black and white, but much more complex and accompanied by a landslide of consequences. What we want to do and what we need to do do not always align- sometimes we have to choose the best option for the good of human kind.

They are just heartless dumbasses.

Unfortunately this is the most common reason people say things they don’t mean, I believe. An overwhelming amount of people do not bother to think of how their words and decisions affect other people. They are concerned with one thing and one thing only- themselves. We have all fallen into a trap set by this kind of person, and we have believed the lies they told us, felt meaning in the meaningless words they put into our ears. Some people are just assholes. They say what they think you want to hear. And then they use this to get what they want from you. It’s a game of manipulation and pushing the limits. Don’t concern yourself with people who cannot concern themselves with your feelings.

From the bottom of the hearts of all the people who have endured these hollow words and promises, I urge you perpetrators to be more careful of what you are saying- check yoself, before you wreck yoself… and the person your words reached of course. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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