This Is How You’ll Know When You’ve Truly Moved On

Flickr / Bahador
Flickr / Bahador

We’ve all been there. In the midst of the most perfect and fairytale-ish relationship, out of the blue comes a full stop. And ninety-five percent of the times, you don’t even see it coming. One day, you’re just sitting on your bed, happily daydreaming about what your wedding will be like, and suddenly, you hit a wall. He will look serenely into your eyes, and for the first time, you won’t be able to detect even a drop of love in them.

He’ll say that it’s not working anymore, or that he needs some space to figure out who he is, or that it’s just not meant to be, or that he met someone else, or that he’s moving. And finally, after delivering the typical it’s-not-you-it’s-me and I’m-sorry, he’ll silently walk away, leaving you all alone to pick up the pieces and start over.

And it hurts. It hurts like hell. The tears come and go, and yet the hollow feeling in your chest doesn’t. You feel forlorn, devastated, aghast, heartbroken and it just seems impossible that he is the one responsible for it! Your friends will bring tissues, food and drinks. They’ll talk to you, console you, hold you as you cry. But after a few days, even that will stop. They will assume you’re on your way to recovery, that you’ll be alright. They’ll tell you stories of their break-ups and how they moved on, but that’s not at all what you want to hear.

They’ll never understand the heart-wrenching pain you’re feeling, as if the whole world has fallen apart. And then you’ll finally realise that you are the only one who has to fight this battle. Moving on is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you constantly come across pictures of him enjoying life, on social media. But that’s when you have to realise that you will move on.

Moving on is not something that will happen instantaneously. It might take months or even years in some cases to finally forget that person. You can’t just decide that on such-and-such a date, these many weeks after the break up, you’ll have moved on. It just doesn’t work that way. It’ll be an everyday struggle. You’ll have to wake up every morning, and get dressed and go to work. You’ll have to survive the entire day, with a smile on your face and then come back home. The nights will be the hardest, and everyday you’ll go to sleep hoping that the next day will be better, or that he’ll come back. But the next morning and many more after that will be just the same.

Until, one morning, you’ll wake up and his face will not be the first thought that pops into your head. Maybe you’ll wake up thinking about some character in a novel or a movie, or perhaps some friend. Only after you’ve left for work will you realise that you finally broke the cycle! And then little by little, other things will go too- his favourite restaurant, the date you first met him, what he does when he is annoyed. All these memories will just slip out from your brain, bit by bit, until you are only left with a vague feeling of remembrance of something that mattered a lot earlier but no longer does.

You’ll meet new people, you’ll make new friends. New hobbies, new projects at work, new novels will occupy your time. And twenty-four hours won’t be sufficient enough to do all that stuff and think about him. Perhaps, you’ll come across something he posted on Facebook, or read an old text of his, and you’ll suddenly start seeing flaws where you only saw virtues. You’ll suddenly realise how over-protective he was, or how immature he was, or how you two were never really compatible. And then you’ll ask yourself what the hell you ever saw in that guy!

And it may happen, that a single word spoken casually among friends may suddenly take you back in time. Maybe it’ll remind you of that heartbreaking day when he ended things with you. Or maybe he’ll get a new girlfriend, and you’ll be left all depressed and sad again. But again, your wounds will heal. It is but natural that on some dark stormy night, huddled in your warm blanket, you’ll think of what he used to do or what he used to say.

And maybe you’ll start to miss him all over again. But even that will pass. Gradually, you’ll begin to see what an awesome individual you are and that you deserve someone way better. You’ll focus on yourself, and realise that your happiness is much more important than some idiot.

You’ll pass through highs and lows in life, and somehow, somewhere, you’ll lose the urge to call him up everytime something good or bad happens. For every song that reminds you of him, you’ll find five new ones that remind you of something better, something more important. You’ll stop thinking that the break-up was somehow your fault. You’ll finally see him for what he is, and yet you won’t hate him. No, it will not be hate, but indifference that will replace love.

And finally, one fine day, you’ll have completed the process.

You’ll hear The Song playing in the car and the only reaction it will inspire in you is indifference. You won’t reach out to change it because it will no longer hurt. It won’t matter. You’ll simply smile and continue on, without feeling any pang of nostalgia. It will stop mattering if he has one new girlfriend or ten. He’ll become just another acquaintance, just another name in your friendlist on Facebook. And that’s when you’ll realise that the break-up which seemed to be something that would kill you, actually turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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