18 Reasons Why Every Native New Yorker Makes A Beeline Back To ‘The City’ Post Grad

Clemens v. Vogelsang
Clemens v. Vogelsang

Despite the homeless men who pee on the subway, hot summer garbage, a simple rum and coke marketed at $12 and the fact that it was the birthplace of Donald Trump, native New Yorkers can’t be scared away from their hometown. Below are 18 reasons why almost every native New Yorker heads straight back home right after college.

1. You don’t have to pretend you like small talk. Just keep walking, quickly, and you’ll fit right in.

2. Bagels that taste like the carbohydrate equivalent to your first love. It’s not just the water. It’s water, pride and perfection.

3. Because a summer rooftop (especially when it’s yours your parents’) is so much better than “having space.”

4. You can actually see the New York skyline (sorry, Los Angeles).

5. There’s something kind of endearing about a subway dancer who shouts “If your man can’t do this, leave him at home!” and proceeds to “fist bump” every single passenger on the train (including the old woman in clogs literally plugging her ears with her fingers).

6. Chloe Sevigny gets her nails done in the same inexpensive nail salon as you do.

7. Your friends would rather shit talk Westchester and Jersey because they seriously don’t “get it” instead of shit talking actual people.

8. You can order Thai food for breakfast, Vietnamese sandwiches for lunch, and Chinese take-out for dinner

9. Your college friends can all move to “the city” if they want to, but not just anyone can claim native status.

10. You can walk the streets knowing that at any moment you might be “discovered” by a man with peppered gray hair who appreciates your “aesthetic” and whisks you off to a modeling agency or movie set.

11. All black outfits are the norm. No one will assume you are just a sad person or on your way to a funeral for your head-to-toe black look, which saves you precious time in the morning.

12. Block parties that take place in the middle of the street.

13. You can say you’re an artist without people gawking in confusion and asking things like: “What the hell are you going to do with a degree in fine arts?” or “How are you going to make money being a potter?”

14. Sitting on stoops and sipping an iced coffee is the best way to cure a hangover.

15. You can count on overly friendly, gregarious taxi drivers for all the life advice you’ll ever need.

16. You can actually eat dinner for a dollar because NY pizza is still somehow cheap (and definitely unbeatable).

17. Even if you’re not doing anything exciting, your geotags are destined to impress (see: Hell’s Kitchen, Brooklyn, Queens, Tribeca, Greenwich village, etc.).

18. Smiling is overrated anyway. TC mark

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