Every day at lunch. Every night of movie marathons. Every wee hour partying. And every second pouring hearts out. If you’re in high school or college, these are testaments of a friendship with a strong foundation.
But post-college, you all have to deal with the reality of life. It’s not every day you get to spend time with each other. You are no longer happily imprisoned by the four corners of the classrooms that compel you and your friends to be with each other every day. There are no more group projects that propel you to go for extra bonding moments, no more exams to challenge how you ‘help’ each other and no lunch time to serve as the time to release your inside jokes.
You don’t have to panic if you haven’t seen your BFF in a month, or even half a year. This is not F.R.I.E.N.D.S. or How I Met Your Mother, wherein you spare every little second together in a coffee house or a bar or in an apartment as if there are no responsibilities on your shoulders. The reality is that your friends need not be physically beside you, even if sometimes, you really need them to. Here are some reasons why. Take note that these only apply to TRUE, REAL, and GOOD friends.
1. They have a responsibility.
Don’t feel bad if your best friend chooses to spend overtime in the office rather than crash bars and set cars on fire with you. Get over the fact that she has to face her dreadful boss (which she rants to you a billion times) and ditch your date-hunting adventures. Immature people tend to vent to either their significant others or other friends about how their BFF has ditched them two weeks in a row. Maybe before you backstab your best friend, try to know if she has bills to cover, or disconnection notices to plunge down the drain, or if her children demand her to read them a bedtime story. If they REALLY are a good friend, they will choose to be with you whenever they can, no matter what. So if they can’t every once in a while, maybe the reason is as valid as ever.
2. They have a life.
If you met in high school, you probably knew what they wanted to be when they grow up. If you met in college, you’re sure as hell certain what career path they are willing to embark on. So if they are on the verge of getting there, or on the momentum of staying there, let them be. It’s not like they will not take a break to text or tweet you, right? It’s just like if you are on fire to achieve something for yourself, you also need to sacrifice some Friday nights out with your girls. If you’re not, well, I believe it’s time to reassess your future and do some overhauling in your lifestyle.
3. They have their own love life.
A few dates with their new fling does not mean they have new priorities. Even I friggin’ hate it when a friend tends to lose touch with me just because she has found her forever (which sometimes lasts a month), only to then resurrect her amity with me after she finds her “boyfriend” trying to pull the “open relationship / still seeing other people” card — only to kill it again after some insincere apologies had been made. Those types don’t comprise the target audience of this write up. As I was saying, if he/she is your true friend, just because they are taken does not mean they are taken away from you as well. So you both got to spend time last Friday and the next two Fridays after that were dedicated to their new significant other — what’s the fuss? They will still tell you about what they did that night, and maybe this Saturday is your day. As long as they keep inviting you for coffee, or they occasionally still agree to a night out together, you don’t have a problem. If you are taken as well, I believe you would want your friends to afford you the same understanding.
4. In real friendship, absence can also make the heart grow fonder.
My favorite motto is this: “distance is nothing for true friendship has no barrier.” I had friends and BFFs who migrated miles away and moved archipelagos away, but whenever they return, it feels like nothing changed AT ALL. One of my closest friends has been moving in and out of the country ever since college, but whenever he spends time here, we just kind of pick up where we left off. We still spend two days in his bedroom watching anime and eating fast food deliveries without taking baths or brushing teeth. We still sneak out at night and play Left 4 Dead in the nearest internet shop. During sleepovers, we still sleep on the same bed without even the slightest ounce of malice. With him, there are no awkward conversation starters. It’s a far cry from the fact that whenever he’s away, we don’t talk constantly. I have another good friend who moved to Guam a year ago, and as of this writing, I’m having a heart-to-heart conversation with her through Gmail. Those friends of mine are still closer to me than those I see on a regular basis. So yep, one doesn’t really have to see one’s BFF personally every single day to prove that theirs is a strong relationship. Besides, if you’re really the best of pals, you can get through random texting and tweeting, or phone calls if you have to spill dirt that only he/she should know about. Nothing will keep you apart, not even the absence.
5. Nothing is ever the same.
People change. That’s an inevitable fact. The way you treat each other will shift and your physical interactions will crouch a level lower. Things that you like may also change. What used to be the common denominator between the two of you can now be the one thing you argue about. One may achieve a step higher in the maturity department and one may be left behind for a while. One may realize early that it’s time to find a decent job while one is still clinging into the living-life-to-the-fullest principle. If your friendship is not fortified enough, this might end in FO (Friendship Over). But if you are one of the lucky few whose friendships are as tough as ever, you can find a way to deal with this. And remember, even if things have changed, some things will always stay the same. The way you treat each other may alter, but the way you feel about each other will always be as is.