November 17, 2015 04:19am
This is it.
This is the part where I just want to give it all up.
This is the part where I felt completely alone in this journey, that no amount of calls from my mother would persuade to change my perspective on things.
This is the part where I came to accept that this will be a long, and extremely painful journey to uncertainty.
And this is the part where I cry for everything, fear for anything, and expect at nothing.
I don’t even remember who I was before all these.
I’m trying to be okay. God knows how I am trying to keep myself together every single second of my life.
Believe me, I am really trying.
January 09, 2016 09:56am
So after these past terrifying weeks, I finally got it: I’ve been praying so much for second chances, not knowing my heart and soul can’t brave another. I’ve been praying so much for another taste of you, not realizing I’m poisoning myself.
And so here’s my biggest regret: The days, the weeks, the months and the years that I have to waste thinking and fantasizing about you, oblivious to all these other wonderful persons and events trying to catch my attention. Imagine, I must have already met the person who is every bit worth of my time and love, but at that very moment, I was busy reminiscing the late night message you sent me when you were drunk 25 weeks ago.
So how can you blame people who are too picky? Too choosy? Too careful or too scared? How can you blame those who have invested so much time and love in a person who can’t bring their energies back? How can you blame those who have loved so much, only to be left with nothing? With cold, empty afternoons, and with painful 2ams? How can you blame those who had been through so much pain, and are still hurting on the smell of a familiar perfume, or a struck of familiar chord? How can you blame the cowards when the world showed them that brevity brings a poisoning of soul and mind? Of a sickness that’ll last a lifetime that emerges at the nostalgia of a familiar moment?
July 5, 2016 03:10pm
I am starting to feel that I somehow always fall short of everyone’s romantic requirements. I slowly feel like I am not worthy of phenomenal love, or at the very least, affection or attention.
It was then that I realized that people – both lovers and haters – will always point that you have been living less than you deserved, and that you can always do more.
This is one of those times where I desperately seek for contentment beyond anything else.
September 3, 2016 01:00am
I realized that all lovers are Voldemorts: planting horcruxes in different people as a way of protecting and securing their existence in the world. To avoid oblivion.
But all heartbroken are Harry Potters: tracing these people in their past and destroying these horcruxes as a way of creating a new version of themselves.
As for me, I only know I have given a lot of “horcruxes.” But unlike in Harry Potter, I definitely do not know where to find them — at the most, I know they are not on good hands.
November 23, 2016 06:44pm
I am still here; I am still here watching the world burn before my very eyes. A sly, devilish smile will escape my lips every now and then.
And as the laces of our verses and thoughts entangle us further into a union only our pillows and fingers can witness, we found ourselves in a wonderland, even the wicked rabbit and the red queen cannot discover.
Grinning at each other, we found our palms intertwined in sweat, irises demystifying brows and lashes, lips twitching, suppressing flirty smiles – body languages creating their own poetries.
And at that moment, we were both lost in each other’s chalice of cocaine, lost in admiration for the existence of the other. But amidst all these, all I could think of is this: we are both broken.