When you’re the middle child — middle girl child — and you are born between two (or more!) male siblings, you can sometimes feel your estrogen levels dropping and transforming into testosterone.
And slowly, such hormones take over your whole life.. in a very cool way.
1. You know the difference between an RKO, a chokeslam, a 619, and a pedigree — and you know how to perfectly execute a pinball and a submission.
Everyone thinks that you’re the feeble, little girl who is well-protected by his brothers from the evils of life. Your classmates in school think you are definitely “uncool” because they believe you are sheltered so much by your family.
Fortunately, that is not the case.
So when you saw a bunch of guy classmates sticking their heads out in watching that Wrestlemania match between Undertaker and John Lesnar, you could not help but blurt out, “What happened to ‘Taker’s streak? What happened to 22-0?” And, the next thing you knew, all eyes are on you, and they are so bewildered that you know that information. So bewildered that they eventually talk “wrestling” things with you, and they stop branding you as “uncool.”
Well, my lady, express so much gratitude to your brothers, who were able to introduce you to World Wrestling Entertainment. Back in those days, your mother would always complain on how you religiously watch those “fake violence” shows. But, you, your dad, and your brothers don’t bother, and do not give a shit. It’s not that you do not respect your mom, it’s just that you really find that “fake violence” theme exciting, because, hey, how were they able to fake it?
(And, yes, before I forgot, you also watched it because you had a secret crush on Randy Orton — up until now, because I mean, come on, that perfectly shaped and lean body gives Taylor Lautner a run for his money — while forever cursing personalities like Paul Heyman and Vicky Guerrero.)
2. You are very familiar with different kinds of guns — thanks to Counter-Strike and all the other video games you grew up playing.
Everyone would be so shocked to know that you didn’t play with Barbie or Bratz — instead, you had Left 4 Dead, GTA San Andreas, and Vice City. There are some people who think that you are just doing your boyfriend a favor by playing these games, but no. You genuinely like them, and there’s always a grin on your face once you are able to kill Witch in Left 4 Dead. And your character in Tekken? No, it is not Nina or Xiao Yu, or any other estrogen-overdosed, commodified females (no to commodification of women!) — you go for Hwoarang. You also play the Defense of the Ancients (DoTA) and somehow, you also have the guts to play Silent Hill. When you are with your brothers, you would always challenge them to a racing match in NFS Most Wanted, and you would always design the sickest car to rival the coolness of those of your brothers — no pink decorations, just gray, black, and deep red spikes, hood, and tire rims. You also enjoy killing everyone in Vice City and San Andreas, using all the available cheats you could afford.
And that NBA 2k12 game? Your San Antonio Spurs team always win against your younger brother’s Chicago Bulls, although, they still suck against your older brother’s Boston Celtics.
3. “Don’t you dare wear that mini-skirt ever again.”
Your brothers are the last people you would ask for advice regarding the look of your wardrobe. Oh, come on — why would they know something about the kind of shoes that would go with your outfit, right? And remember that time you went to the mall, and your brother almost jumped from the third floor out of boredom as you were so engrossed in picking the right blouse to go with your skinny jeans? Okay. Do not ask them for any fashion advice. But not just because it’s boring, but because they would not really give you any fashion advice — they would give you a morally-alarming and ethically-oriented advice concerning the pieces of clothing you’re wearing.
Yes, I am talking about the length. Or the cut. Or the fit. They would tell you in a heartbeat if you look like a slut in that micro-mini dress, and when you scare guys away with those spiky heels, shiny piercings, and dark eyeliner. And, trust me, trust them when they give you this advice, because they also know what is going on in other guys’ heads when they see you in this ensemble. So when they tell you that you look like you would make love to 50 men in your outfit, get back in your room, wear something a little more conservative and work your style.
4. “You’re not dating that douchebag, are you?!”
You’ve always seen in rom-com movies how over-protective brothers become for their little baby sisters, especially when the girls are being surrounded by suitors. You’d go “awww,” and you’ll think such is ultimately sweet and girls without brothers might even wish they had one to be so protective.
But in real life, that does not happen.
What happens is that your brothers will just endlessly tease you to that guy, while also endlessly criticizing all his features. But no matter how many mockeries you get from your brother, at the end of the day, he would still have the guts to eat that Toblerone or Ferrero Rocher in the refrigerator, labeled with “To: My Love, From: Your Suitor.” (And, yes, he would even complain about the taste of that chocolate.)
But brothers do not really suck at all, because they are ready to punch, confront, or pull a prank on that suitor of yours when they break your innocent heart and when they fool you. Yes, they are still wearing their shining armor, but they just don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves when they listen to your stories of heartbreak and loss. (And in the first place, why would you tell him those tales? You would just be bombarded with statements like, “Stop it, you’re being overly melodramatic.”) But despite all of these cheap thrills, they are still your Harry Potter and Ron Weasley (yeah, that makes you a Hermione) against every Lord Voldemort in the world.
5. You are the apple of their eyes (and by apple, I mean the one they set as an archery target).
Ever wake up in the morning just to find out that you have marker-drawn images in your face? Well, that’s thanks to your brothers. You do not know if you are just so cute, or so adorable, or maybe they just really hate and love you at the same time, that you always become the target of their pranks and jokes. No, bullies do not loiter around the school grounds — they are hanging around your house, and you share the same room with them. I cannot further emphasize the “amazing tricks” they always pull on you (remember when your hairdryer opened with talc powder in it, yeah, sucks right?). But, at the end of the day, you still sleep with a sheepish grin at your face, because you also enjoy the attention they give you, while planning how are you going to get back at them tomorrow.
6. You love scary, suspense-filled movies.
You never saw the High School Musical series, or even Princess Diaries — and it’s not because you didn’t have a choice in watching, you just simply despise them. But you are very well-versed into the dialogues of the characters in Final Destination, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Human Centipede, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, and even Wrong Turn. You are not a fan of Harry Potter or the Lord of the Rings, but you are a fan of Linda Blair. You have grown into watching these films, that later in your life, you find it weird that people freak out over the Saw series. To make it more interesting, you do not shout or shriek when watching these films — you actually laugh out loud with your brothers with the foolishness of the main characters. I mean, come on, how stupid are the characters in Final Destination, right?
7. And you always find yourself winding up with guys who are more like your brothers than not.
Just when you thought you could finally get away with your testosterone-filled life, you suddenly realize that you still want to find someone who is exactly like your brothers — minus the bullying part. Well, that’s life, isn’t it? You suddenly will realize that, hey, you still wanted someone who can stomach watching gory films with you while endlessly eating pizza and hamburgers. Or, you still wanted someone who can deal with all your ad hominem remarks against people, and still think that you are a very adorable and well-mannered young lady. At the end of the day, you still root to find that “one” who matches the same hyper-active attitude and morbid taste with brothers. It still boils down to the matter that you wanted to feel “at home.”