How To Defeat The Constant Need To Compare Yourself To Others

You know that girl in the coffee shop you can’t stop staring at? The one who seems to be effortlessly beautiful?

Her skin glows, her eyes are striking, and her hair is in some sort of perfect “messy bun” that you couldn’t have paid to have done with your hair for your own senior prom. She’s the kind of girl that makes you question your sexuality (or rather, confirms it). You find yourself burning your tongue on your expensive latte, getting lost in the daydream of living in her body, in her life, for even an hour.

Stop right there. Go get some ice water to cool down your tongue so you can actually enjoy that over-priced coffee and bring yourself back down to earth. The truth is, we are ALL that girl. Believe it or not, we all have a quality within us that someone else admires or dreams about. We are all remarkable, because none of us are the same. However, it is the moment that we scrutinize our own internal and external beauty, and compare ourselves to some random woman, that little pieces of our crowns break off.

Let’s get real though. In a world with Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and every other form of filtered social media the universe has to offer, how do we avoid the comparisons?! How do we shut off our minds that are ferociously running self-deprecating marathons?!

Well first off, it takes time. It takes practice. Every runner needs a cool down, just like every extreme thought or action cannot come to a halt in an instant. We take steps, and the first step is to be AWARE.

While your eyes are scrolling through the depths of Instagram, magazines, the internet, or even your city and home town streets, be mindful of what you are choosing to view and reflect on, and ask yourself three valuable questions:

1. Is this constructive?

2. Is this healthy?

3. Does this make me happy?

Lets deem this nationwide epidemic “The Scrolling Game.” God knows I fall victim to it daily, but if you cannot answer those questions, why bother using up valuable minutes of your day? The moment I first acknowledged that this “Scrolling Game” was causing me to doubt my own abilities, achievements, and beauty was the moment I realized that I was choosing the most unproductive material to continue to view and dwell over. I unfollowed the people that made me self-conscious because it became clear to me that their success had reasons and realties that were beyond my control. I stopped yearning for the girl’s butt on the beach that I will never have (even after 9,000 Krispy Kremes followed by 9,000 squats). After answering these questions, you can slowly shift your mind to gravitate towards the people, the books, the art, the shows, the films, the websites, that make you feel like your best self.

So yes, drink your coffee, people watch, feel free to play “The Scrolling Game.” But don’t forget that you’re just like everyone else, utterly captivating in a way that is like no one else. I see you. I see your crown. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

My name is Jamie Wolfe and I am an NYU Tisch Drama Graduate. I am primarily an actress, but when I have something strong I want to convey I challenge myself to be bold and write. My main focus is sketch comedy. I am goofy and quirky, and writing has helped me heal from a painful experience by adding a sense of humor and power to it all.

More From Thought Catalog